💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[the khat quaffer]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=mltTs3f3Irg

"I'm only adding a little celery cause I'm sharing it with people that don't like celery that much"
"Onions. I LOVE red onions. Here's a whole bowl"

Truly the spirit of generosity.

 

[Shartavius]

I like that Jack allowed the shrimp to thaw, then poured the entire contents of the bag into the mixing bowl without bothering to drain the water - Not because he forgot; but because he doesn't know how to avoid turning that kind of dish into a soupy mess. Those giant chunks of red onion and dill stems are going to be soggy as hell. Then he had to put in a giant card drawing attention to how he forgot the brand of mayonnaise he used.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

the rest probably went to local charities and food drives.

Or vacuum-sealed after cooking and then frozen so they can have grilled hot dogs in December. I do this with a lot of stuff during the summer months, it's really nice to get that grill flavor when you've got a foot of snow outside.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

That's way too much fucking onion for a seafood salad and yeah, that is gonna be a soggy mess since fatty didn't drain the thawed shrimp. I'm not sure it's fully thawed, either. After cooked, frozen shrimp thaws, be sure to drain and rinse that shit with cold water.

 

[GoybeamFireSupportOfficer]

What do you think Jack values more? His membership to the Church or Christ or his Club Membership to Church of Chili's? I mean if he had to pick...he has to pay a tithe to both, but only one of them comes with free chips and salsa. Just sayin...

Render unto Chili's that which is Chili's'

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

Render unto Chili's that which is Chili's'

Those toilets always get a workout when the Scalfanis roll in.

 

[Adamska]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=mltTs3f3Irg

Oh goody he made one of the worst iterations of tuna salad that I've ever seen. I would not trust eating this shit at all because this shit needs to be cooked due to it being crustacean in nature.

Some very quick points because this is not a cooking show include:
1. The choice of including crab meat and shrimp is already a big failure in my mind. Crustaceans tend to be rather filthy (celery as bad if not worse) and you have to make sure that they're actually sourced well if you're going to eat this shit raw. Even if this is precooked, and I see signs it may be though the shrimp looks slimy, this is still shit because
2. Too many strong flavors. Crab, shrimp, red onions, dill, and Old Bay are pretty hefty in terms of taste. One of the things about tuna salad is that it is milder overall, the floral celery and the onions actually help complement it.
3. The chunks are too fucking big. When I think of stuff like this I think of it is finally chopped that you can just have on like crackers or something. The onions alone are a failure, let alone the celery.

All in all this plopping with Jack recipe gets an F, for Fat Low-Effort Faggot.

 

[raticate]

 

[Tiresome]

Some very quick points because this is not a cooking show include:

That was not crab, that was clearly surimi/"fake krab" that is pre-cooked processed fish puree, but is the main component of basically any prepared seafood salad out there. It also doesn't have a strong taste, but he did add a shitload of onions which DO, and Old Bay would overwhelm any seafood salad, save that for a boil or for separate entrees. Shrimp is not unheard of in seafood salad but I've always considered the pre-cooked frozen type to be nasty and unnecessary. Just get frozen raw and throw it in a pot of boiling water for 5 minutes, goddamn. I'm going to give Jack a mulligan on fucking up the chop size of the ingredients because it's such a given that he can not, has not and will never process his ingredients properly, and now that the chopping hand is dead (and Tammy doesn't care), it's such an obvious and expected failure on his part as to be unnecessary to notice.

 

[the khat quaffer]

Render unto Chili's that which is Chili's'

"And the sneezuning descended and the ranch floods came, and the fat man blew and gurgled upon that phone; and it fell not: for it was founded upon Apple Intelligence."
Matthew 7:25

 

[p1138]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=mltTs3f3Irg

The fake crab is probably the least offensive thing in this.

Way too much onion, and cut way too large. The dill isn't cut up enough. Celery is cut way too large and it looks like he didn't even pull the strings out of it(retards who don't take the 2 fucking seconds to pull those out of a celery stalk are insane), frozen shrimp that is going to thaw into a watery mess, way too much old bay(this just confirms my theory that if he can't see it, he can't taste it), sucks the vinegar that dripped off of his fingers like a fucking mongoloid, white pepper? Can't even fucking mix it, then gets his nasty fingers he stuck into his mouth in the damned bowl.

And then of all the times he waits to stuff his face, this? The shit was already cold, and the shrimp was still frozen. And can't even remember his favorite mayo brand that he needed to inform us about?

 

[Adamska]

That was not crab, that was clearly surimi/"fake krab" that is pre-cooked processed fish puree

There's just something inherently disgusting about cold anything crustacean. Even if it's fake fish slop like Pollock or whatever it's still terrible. The concept for this just sucks as far as I'm concerned, especially with the ingredient proportions.

All I see is a slimy tuna salad gone wrong. And that's ignoring all of the excess liquid that the shrimp gave off.

 

[Shartavius]

I believe one could make a decent sandwich filling for a split-top roll out of this latest recipe Jack surely plagiarized from someone more capable - provided you fix every single detail documented in its botched preparation. As always, Jack's sole, positive (though never redeeming) quality is demonstrating what not to do or be, whether in the kitchen or on Earth.

And why does Jack have gray hairs and skin flakes snowing down his shirts in every video? It causes him to resemble a vacuum cleaner bag that needs replaced.

Firstly imagine a scary, subterranean troll or goblin that growls every syllable and only comes above ground to steal and eat children. Next, imagine how difficult it would be to take that creature seriously if it was confined to a wheelchair and tried to be a Youtube chef, filming itself preparing human foods it's incapable of appreciating or knowing the first thing about; because it only has an appetite for live, raw children marinated in fear. I'm finding that exercise increasingly necessary for appreciating what I'm seeing when watching Jack's content. Also, every appearance of Tammy's ass is now a jump scare which should be accompanied by an appropriate John Williams orchestral stinger.

 

[AnOminous]

Oh goody he made one of the worst iterations of tuna salad that I've ever seen. I would not trust eating this shit at all because this shit needs to be cooked due to it being crustacean in nature.

Eating anything Jagoff cooked would be rolling dice with the Devil but anything involving seafood? You're just basically begging for death. Fuck this evil stroked-out cocksucker.

 

[JacksSenseOfDread]

It's July 4th, how long until we're treated to some of Jag's faux patriotism and virtue signaling?

 

[Major]

When he's introducing the ingredients his stroller is the background and what looks like several large tubs of cooking coil. Almost poetic since one led to the other

 

[the khat quaffer]

Also, why does he have gray hairs and skin flakes snowing down his shirts in every video?

>be Jack
>bald
>still have dandruff

This is a real thing though, and it has many different diagnoses and causes. A simple visit to the dermatologist could help with this, but he's already blown out every other part of his body - why start listening to doctors now. He is the living embodiment of that Treehouse of Horror episode where all Homer has to do to not lose his soul is NOT eat a doughnut.

It's July 4th, how long until we're treated to some of Jag's faux patriotism and virtue signaling?

It's Saturday, good timing for a weekly Moanin' Movement. C'mon Jacko give me that 70 second dopamine hit about what it means to be an American.

 

[Gulls on Film]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=mltTs3f3Irg

Nice walker, Jack. Goddamn, the auto-focus on his camera is having a seizure because his swollen arm keeps passing directly in front of it. How do you see that and think "This is okay to publish." Placing the camera on the other side of the counter would easily fix this, and his walker wouldn't be in frame either.

 

[Johnny Dang]

When he's introducing the ingredients his stroller is the background and what looks like several large tubs of cooking coil. Almost poetic since one led to the other

Those are 5 gallon home depot buckets, a home improvement store for those not US-based. I really hope they all contain cooking oil.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Those are 5 gallon home depot buckets, a home improvement store for those not US-based. I really hope they all contain cooking oil.

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My guess is they contain the dehydrated food that he's been stocking up for the coming apocalypse which will never happen.