Science Masturbation among birds is ‘natural’ and should not be punished, say experts - Lads, you can stop beating your masturbating bird already

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Study finds activity is not harmful or caused by stress of captivity – and is in fact more common in wild birds

Ian Sample Science editor
Mon 1 Jun 2026 06.00 CEST

An investigation into acts of self-pleasure among parrots and other birds has reached a climax, with the results providing welcome relief for vets and researchers, not to mention the birds themselves.

Bird keepers are often advised to discourage and even punish birds for masturbating, but the study found the activity was more common in the wild than in captivity, with researchers concluding it is part of a bird’s natural behaviour.

The report’s authors urged vets to reassure worried owners that the antics are not harmful and warned that efforts to intervene, which range from removing perches to hormone treatment and surgery, could be far more damaging.

“Our big finding is that masturbation is not a negative response to captivity,” said Dr Chloe Heys, an evolutionary ecologist at the University of Lancashire in Preston. “This is widespread in birds and we found it’s a perfectly natural and healthy behaviour that’s part of their repertoire of sexual behaviours.”

Researchers historically tended to assume birds either did not masturbate or did so only under the stress of captivity. But Heys said the behaviour was quite common and distinctive. “I had a pet cockatiel that masturbated all the time,” she said. “If you’ve ever seen a bird masturbate, you absolutely know what that bird is doing.”

The team surveyed bird experts and online communities of bird keepers, breeders and enthusiasts, and combined their accounts with others published in scientific literature. In total, they collected data on 120 bird species, captive and wild.

Avian onanism is widespread among species, including parrots, ducks, turkeys and chickens, and more common in the wild than in captivity, the survey found. Slightly more accounts mention males, but females were by no means exempt.

Typically, males would be “rubbing quite vigorously” on their perch, a toy or a twig, or on their owner’s hand, foot or shoulder, Heys said. Females tended to lift their tail and back on to convenient objects.

The activity was sometimes accompanied by wing flapping and vocalisations not typically heard from the birds. Asked if they showed any signs of self-loathing or Catholic guilt, Heys thought not. “I don’t want to say satisfied, but they do look different after they finish. It’s obviously doing something for them.”

Accounts from hobbyists revealed that some owners had sought veterinary help when they caught their birds masturbating, fearing the animals might hurt themselves. In turn, some vets had suggested disrupting the behaviour, by removing perches and toys and not stroking the birds in certain spots.

“In really extreme cases, vets would give the birds drugs or hormonal therapies to stop them doing this,” Heys said. “There have even been cases of surgery to completely de-sex birds, which is bonkers.”

“Vets shouldn’t be advising owners to stop birds doing this unless it’s obviously caused a chronic problem like a prolapse, but that’s the absolute minority of cases,” Heys added. The study’s findings have been published in the journal Ecology and Evolution.

Dr Ana Basto, a vet at the University of Lancashire who was not involved in the study, said the report would help vets give better advice to bird owners. “This research is pivotal and will be a step towards achieving a more holistic understanding of why and how birds behave the way they do.”

Dr Matilda Brindle, an evolutionary biologist at Oxford University and the study’s co-author, said the work added to a growing body of literature that highlighted how non-reproductive sexual behaviours occurred across the animal kingdom.

“The fact that masturbation seems to be even more common in wild birds than those in captivity has huge implications for their welfare, especially given that folk husbandry often advises bird keepers to discourage or punish this behaviour, sometimes even resorting to surgery and hormonal interventions,” Brindle said.
 
What kind of fucking weirdo decided this is what they wanted to study?


"Yeah I want to go to college for literal years and become a science man so I can write articles about birds jerking off"
 
The thing that confuses me the most in all of this: someone actually read a research plan that presented an idea to research this shit/why it's supposedly important, and thought HMM THIS DEFINITELY NEEDS TO BE LOOKED INTO and gave the researchers money. What the actual fuck
 
What kind of fucking weirdo decided this is what they wanted to study?


"Yeah I want to go to college for literal years and become a science man so I can write articles about birds jerking off"
An avian veterinarian weirdo like this guy who has a KiwiFarms thread.
 
The thing that confuses me the most in all of this: someone actually read a research plan that presented an idea to research this shit/why it's supposedly important, and thought HMM THIS DEFINITELY NEEDS TO BE LOOKED INTO and gave the researchers money. What the actual fuck
Well if there's people punishing or harming their birds for (what we now know to be) natural behaviour it's probably better for someone to look into this to hopefully keep pet birds from harm and improve our idea of ethical bird keeping.
 
The thing that confuses me the most in all of this: someone actually read a research plan that presented an idea to research this shit/why it's supposedly important, and thought HMM THIS DEFINITELY NEEDS TO BE LOOKED INTO and gave the researchers money. What the actual fuck
You'd be amazed how discoveries in something like this could lead to, say, goonerism being differentiated from transgenderism. It's like that nigga that dropped his hat in the bathtub and said eureka. Basic shit now, but led to more. Big picture is that with this stupid research we do end up with scaffolding to shit that will benefit you, me, your dog, your time, or something. Researching birds jerking it is an easy to perform study, easily replicable, difficult to dispute, and could lead to a lot of money making revenues.
 
Wild animals probably masturbate. We just don't see them doing it. Fapping is something that leaves you vulnerable, so why would wild animals do it while the humans are watching? If you were a horny deer and you saw two legged super predators watching you, would you start licking your penis?
How tf do birds even masturbate?

You know what, don’t answer that.
You know how some people hump pillows? Yeah, birds are doing that.
 
Guess I better take down the Victorian etching of a haggard bird worn down by self-abuse from the budgie cage, put up the centrefold from Birdwatchers Monthly and replenish its supply of tissues *sigh*
 
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