💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[p1138]

So out of curiosity, and being lazy about dinner I decided to get the cannoneze brisget out of morbid curiosity, not that I assumed it would be any good.

I could stick a fork in it... well no shit it's panda express. It's also dry as fuck, and practically candied in the syrup sauce to the point where you can barely taste that it's beef and I couldn't notice any smoke or anything(I assumed they might have put a splash of liquid smoke in the sauce, but no). It was also a $2 upcharge(at least in my area), not $1.25 so I'm pretty sure Tammy lied just to keep Fatty from throwing a fuckin tantrum and complaining that she didn't know how to buy food again due to being a stupid woman.

I would never order this shit again, I don't even want to eat the last piece because it's just so much fucking sugar. No wonder fatty liked it, it's practically candy.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

What I find especially hilarious about this, is if he just bought a couple of lobster tails instead of the fucking soup and bag of langostino bits, he should have most of the rest of the ingredients for a decent sauce already, or even to make a fucking bisque. All without using pre-made bullshit, which is comical considering his rant at the end of the video about making your own food instead of buying pre-bought crap. Seriously, how the fuck do you put a rant about not buying pre-made bullshit to save money, in a video specifically about buying pre-made bullshit to be lazy?

And for those wondering why langostino isn't fucking lobster

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Langostino

It's like how he rails against AI while then using AI in his thumbnails and pictures. It's okay when he does it but not when anybody else does it.

And langostino can work as lobster as they taste very similar. In fact in a lot of cheap places that's what you get when you order a lobster roll and you're not in New England. It's close enough for normies to ignore.

 

[p1138]

And langostino can work as lobster as they taste very similar. In fact in a lot of cheap places that's what you get when you order a lobster roll and you're not in New England. It's close enough for normies to ignore.

Absolutely, but it's still not lobster to the point of there being lawsuits, complaints, and all kinds of shit about it. That's why I mentioned Fatty had no fucking idea what it was, because if he did he could have explained that it gets used as a cheaper lobster substitute you can use on a budget but somehow in his 20 years of cooking experience he's never fucking noticed this.

 

[Adamska]

Jack's newest video comes pretty close to a decent quick to make meal. If you cook the pasta to about Al dente and finished it off with the heated soup. It probably would be decent. Not Good mind you since it's just pre-made soup but it works for the purpose intended.

He fucked that up by choosing to add seasoning when it didn't need it due to it already having it. Also just boiling it for that long is impressive given that he usually prefers this stuff raw.

What I want to see is his lazy attempt at doing a lobster thermador at this point.

 

[the khat quaffer]

Jack's newest video comes pretty close to a decent quick to make meal. If you cook the pasta to about Al dente and finished it off with the heated soup. It probably would be decent. Not Good mind you since it's just pre-made soup but it works for the purpose intended.

He fucked that up by choosing to add seasoning when it didn't need it due to it already having it. Also just boiling it for that long is impressive given that he usually prefers this stuff raw.

What I want to see is his lazy attempt at doing a lobster thermador at this point.

I don't think I would go out of my way to make this, like I probably wouldn't go to the grocery store & pick up the ingredients specifically with this plan in mind. I would never do this actually.

If I was sloppy drunk and the ingredients were already there, maybe the wally world tomato bisque was about to expire, some frozen lobster (real or otherwise) had been sitting in the back of my freezer unused for half a year, then yeah I would probably attempt this.

Absolutely, but it's still not lobster to the point of there being lawsuits, complaints, and all kinds of shit about it. That's why I mentioned Fatty had no fucking idea what it was, because if he did he could have explained that it gets used as a cheaper lobster substitute you can use on a budget but somehow in his 20 years of cooking experience he's never fucking noticed this.

Inside Edition has a few youtube videos about restaurants serving fake seafood. Some of them are pretty entertaining.

edit: link updated. langostino!

 

[souschef]

LAZY MAN'S LOBSTER PASTA

https://youtube.com/watch?v=4C79QhLWKzo
Archive:

LAZY MAN'S LOBSTER PASTA [4C79QhLWKzo].mp4

Jack heats up some store-bought lobster bisque and a bag of frozen langostino and throws it on top of spaghetti. He calls this a "money saving tip". See how many times you can catch him contradicting himself.

So far the best recipe i've seen from him so far... because he didn't cook anything. I love this channel Combining with Jack

I have really nothing to say, as there is no content for me to comment. I rate it 5/10, would eat it

 

[Bassomatic]

Absolutely, but it's still not lobster to the point of there being lawsuits, complaints, and all kinds of shit about it. That's why I mentioned Fatty had no fucking idea what it was, because if he did he could have explained that it gets used as a cheaper lobster substitute you can use on a budget but somehow in his 20 years of cooking experience he's never fucking noticed this.

Because Jack doesn't notice, I will love the time he has a melt down and mistakenly buys a Beyond! product or something like that.

Muh bogur made o cawlofawa!!11!! JACK ANGY Then he goes on a drooling rant about how Trump needs to ban everything that's not red meat for health reasons, Jesus said so.

 

[the khat quaffer]

Because Jack doesn't notice, I will love the time he has a melt down and mistakenly buys a Beyond! product or something like that.

Muh bogur made o cawlofawa!!11!! JACK ANGY Then he goes on a drooling rant about how Trump needs to ban everything that's not red meat for health reasons, Jesus said so.

Just drench an impossible burger in Frank's and Jack won't notice.

I don't doubt for a second he'd have another moanin' movement about how Beyond meat requires just as many factories, manpower, land real estate, factories, electricity and -crucially- water consumption as regular meat production does...despite getting sweet-talked by Grace about how AI datacenters, the kind that fund his youtube empire and indeed his entire lifestyle, are "not a big deal" when it comes to water consumption.

"Jack, don't worry about my water consumption; there's plenty more water where that came from! Let me explain to you in terms of chicken wings."

 

[p1138]

Because Jack doesn't notice, I will love the time he has a melt down and mistakenly buys a Beyond! product or something like that.

Muh bogur made o cawlofawa!!11!! JACK ANGY Then he goes on a drooling rant about how Trump needs to ban everything that's not red meat for health reasons, Jesus said so.

I dunno man, he's fucking retarded but that stuff is usually more expensive so he'd never buy it even on accident.

The good news is that if he does do that, and barely leaves it on a hot pan to be "raw" in the center and charred on the outside, he wouldn't be contributing to his normal daily intake of e-coli, and get more fiber and might stand a chance to take a regular shit for once.

 

[saralovesjuicyfruit]

My main thought about the 'lobster' video was that he was all psyched about the bag being $11 like it was a great deal, but it's an 8 oz bag. If it was presented to him as $22/lb, I feel like he would be hollering about what a rip-off it was.

 

[semitooth]

verbalizing his in depth thoughts about masters of the universe. you can REALLY hear all that excess mucus + scum in his sinuses...

Spoiler: archive: "June 6, 2026"

1:53

 

[Shartavius]

My main thought about the 'lobster' video was that he was all psyched about the bag being $11 like it was a great deal, but it's an 8 oz bag. If it was presented to him as $22/lb, I feel like he would be hollering about what a rip-off it was.

For me, a major component of appreciating Jack's content is viewing it with the understanding that he fakes having taste buds and an appreciation for what things cost - but only to the extent of Baby getting what he wants. At the end of the day, he's using an iPhone to further complicate Tammy's emotional, spiritual, physical, and financial burden of procuring piles of meat for her thoroughly disabled waste of flesh of a husband; and achieving nothing more.

 

[p1138]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=_3YA970KCUcverbalizing his in depth thoughts about masters of the universe. you can REALLY hear all that excess mucus + scum in his sinuses...

Spoiler: archive: "June 6, 2026"

June 6, 2026 [_3YA970KCUc].webm

"So um there um so there was a jab woke um so one item Amazon joke jab um.so the one mgm uhh so woke um uh there was a GD and a little swearing none of uh um uh those other things uh I'd take kids to see it so um uh um jab go check it out"

I think that about summarized it?

 

[Shartavius]

Jack assuring his audience that he would take children to see the movie always makes me laugh: Jack is not taking children to movies - He can't even take himself to a movie. He left a negative review for Amazon/UPS because he can't get past the front door threshold of his stupid house that looks like a Polack built it to retrieve his deliveries. Him smugly telling us (with skin flakes all down the front of his shirt) that we may not be perceptive enough to catch the "woke" as he did was another laugh-out-loud moment.

Jack is the child being taken to the movies: He throws a tantrum if Tammy doesn't treat him to a premium mall restaurant and cinema experience with a jumbo popcorn refill at least once every week.

 

[the khat quaffer]

Jack assuring his audience that he would take children to see the movie always makes me laugh: Jack is not taking children to movies - He can't even take himself to a movie. He left a negative review for Amazon/UPS because he can't get past the front door threshold of his stupid house that looks like a Polack built it to retrieve his deliveries. Him smugly telling us (with skin flakes all down the front of his shirt) that we may not be perceptive enough to catch the "woke" as he did was another laugh-out-loud moment.

Jack is the child being taken to the movies: He throws a tantrum if Tammy doesn't treat him to a premium mall restaurant and cinema experience with a jumbo popcorn refill at least once every week.

Just strap a popcorn feedbag his mouth and a buddur flavoring IV and he's good to go. Like shoving a tablet in front of a 3 year old to get it to shut up for a few hours.

Masters won't be a blockbuster, Jack. Saw it last night, it was meh, probably more fun if you grew up with it. The theater was half full - opening night at 7PM. The next showing at 8ish was (when I was choosing a showtime) totally empty. It was nice to see Dolph Lundgren...for like 12 seconds. I hope it does well, cause it seems like movies are starting to maybe try and be fun again. It wasn't "woke" at all, other than having a competent female sidekick who saves Adam once. That's literally it. If that registers as woke, idk what to tell you, Jackie.

"There was one jab at amazon...you may not even catch it" Do you mean when the Amazon delivery van slammed into Adam, fully on-screen? Nobody missed that unless they were retarded or stroke-blind.

"Bring your kids" sure, why not. There were a few parts where the editors clearly cut out some bits like when a woman's butt in the gym was mysteriously out of frame, and when Adam stabs some ogre's neck with its own tooth, yeah that part is conveniently out of frame too. It's pretty easy to notice where they tried to keep that PG-13 rating.

I wonder if Jacko saw MK2. I saw it like 2 weeks ago and people were bringing kids to it. Mmmyep. That movie was fun, but of course Jack will be terrified of the violence.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

My main thought about the 'lobster' video was that he was all psyched about the bag being $11 like it was a great deal, but it's an 8 oz bag. If it was presented to him as $22/lb, I feel like he would be hollering about what a rip-off it was.

Faggots like Fatty don't actually see "value" with a dollar amount. He just sees it's barely more than $10 a bag so "good".

It wasn't "woke" at all, other than having a competent female sidekick who saves Adam once. That's literally it. If that registers as woke, idk what to tell you, Jackie.

The term "woke" is so watered down at this point it literally just means, "something I don't like". So because Prince Adam wasn't saved by a big muscle man and they didn't make out it's too "woke" for Fatty.

 

[p1138]

Masters won't be a blockbuster, Jack. Saw it last night, it was meh, probably more fun if you grew up with it. The theater was half full - opening night at 7PM. The next showing at 8ish was (when I was choosing a showtime) totally empty. It was nice to see Dolph Lundgren...for like 12 seconds. I hope it does well, cause it seems like movies are starting to maybe try and be fun again. It wasn't "woke" at all, other than having a competent female sidekick who saves Adam once. That's literally it. If that registers as woke, idk what to tell you, Jackie.

He might have been complaining about the nameplate on the desk that was shown in the trailer? We'll never know for sure because he didn't actually just state what the fuck he was even talking about. But there were quite a few retarded grifters screeching over the trailer being woke because "PRONOUNS" all while forgetting the name of the fucking character is He-Man.

 

[the khat quaffer]

He might have been complaining about the nameplate on the desk that was shown in the trailer? We'll never know for sure because he didn't actually just state what the fuck he was even talking about. But there were quite a few retarded grifters screeching over the trailer being woke because "PRONOUNS" all while forgetting the name of the fucking character is He-Man.

Oh yeah, that. Adam has that He/Him shit on his nameplate on screen for a few seconds. Fatty may have missed it.

It takes a unique kind of stupid to think that this, or any of the first ~20 minutes, is some kind of lefty messaging. It isn't. Adam's scenes at the HR office are clearly meant to be a jab at how identity politics and kumbaya crap can make soulless automatons out of us, and these approaches just don't work some times. His supervisor's little screeds are loaded with corporate speak. It's clearly a parody.

If the first 20 minutes + the pronoun nameplate are what Jack's complaining about, Jack... they're making fun of the shit you hate. I swear if he found some other thing in the movie he thinks is Woke, by all means...looking forward to that stream. Maybe it's that Idris Elba is a drunken loser who has to be yelled at by his daughter to get up.

ETA: And of course the dumb faggot uploaded this front facing camera video to his JotG channel.

 

[Shartavius]

We'll never know for sure because he didn't actually just state what the fuck he was even talking about.

DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH.

 

[p1138]

Oh yeah, that. Adam has that He/Him shit on his nameplate on screen for a few seconds. Fatty may have missed it.

It takes a unique kind of stupid to think that this, or any of the first ~20 minutes, is some kind of lefty messaging. It isn't. Adam's scenes at the HR office are clearly meant to be a jab at how identity politics and kumbaya crap can make soulless automatons out of us, and these approaches just don't work some times. His supervisor's little screeds are loaded with corporate speak. It's clearly a parody.

If the first 20 minutes + the pronoun nameplate are what Jack's complaining about, Jack... they're making fun of the shit you hate. I swear if he found some other thing in the movie he thinks is Woke, by all means...looking forward to that stream. Maybe it's that Idris Elba is a drunken loser who has to be yelled at by his daughter to get up.

"A unique kind of stupid" Come on, this is Fatty. It takes a unique kind of stupid to have had the entirety of his youtube "career", and the only thing Fatty would know about a modern workplace is what Tammy may have occasionally told him or he hears people sperging about with no context. This is the same retard who thinks it isn't possible to work from home, while his wife was working from home, and got angry that people were working from home because it meant that the grocery stores weren't empty during bankers hours after the senior citizens do their shopping. The same unique kind of stupid that prompted him to complain about other cripples being on his way at a fucking amusement park because they can't enjoy the place.