- Dołączono
- 24 Cze 2024
I have seen a lot of honestly just baffling sex toys mostly from China. There's not really a thread for it though. The amusing engrish thread kinda is but I don't want to just dump 5000 dildos in that thread or any other that might be somewhat related.
There's a niche subsect of consoomer that instead of buying new product tm, instead of the new iphone every year or the newest disney item, instead of the newest food trend, instead it's sex toys. The newest fleshlight with the newest most unique concept and internals. The newest dildo with a brand new pattern and shape. Instead of feeling good by consooming you feel good by cooming. Or conscooming if you will. Most of these items are produced with the same quality level you would expect from consoomer shit. Cheap mass produced shit that will fall apart incredibly quickly. The fleshlights especially are apparently closer to one use items than anything worthwhile.
Lets start off with maybe the only thing I can post outside of a spoiler.
It's a snake. It's just a cool snake statue. made of silicone to shove up your ass If you saw this in someone's house without seeing this post first would you ever even assume this is a sex toy?
The rest is just well
There's a niche subsect of consoomer that instead of buying new product tm, instead of the new iphone every year or the newest disney item, instead of the newest food trend, instead it's sex toys. The newest fleshlight with the newest most unique concept and internals. The newest dildo with a brand new pattern and shape. Instead of feeling good by consooming you feel good by cooming. Or conscooming if you will. Most of these items are produced with the same quality level you would expect from consoomer shit. Cheap mass produced shit that will fall apart incredibly quickly. The fleshlights especially are apparently closer to one use items than anything worthwhile.
Lets start off with maybe the only thing I can post outside of a spoiler.
It's a snake. It's just a cool snake statue. made of silicone to shove up your ass If you saw this in someone's house without seeing this post first would you ever even assume this is a sex toy?
The rest is just well
There's a fair few similar things in this post.
Here's a face hugger. It hugs you with it's vagina. Yes the red part on the left is where you stick your cock. Or it you want you can flip it around and use the tail as a dildo. Obviously.
Here's an inflatable koi carp that spits eggs into your asshole.
That's just what it does. It goes it your ass and spits eggs. And it inflates. Big and round. Like a real koi carp. I don't know who the fuck has ever looked at the dsls of a koi carp and decided actually no I don't want it to suck me off instead I want to shove it up my ass?
Did you also goon too hard during covid and now want your dildo to be covid?
Want to get fucked by a ram's horn?
Please @Made In Wales come back.
Do you also find road works sexy?
Are you French or Italian?
I just want to know how the fuck you clean that thing? Because fucking hell. Post nut clarity aside from it lasts an hour because that's how long you have to spend cleaning shit. Also that top one looks primed to snap off. Though considering some of the other products from this company I think that might be a feature instead of a bug.
Here's a Santa hat?
Apparently? If only Santa was a guy with a penis or something.
When you hit level 100 of bottoming at the furcon you can prestige and get a gold plated tail buttplug.
I have no mouth and I must scream
Sorry. I meant I am only mouth and I must bite.
It reminds me of something. There's some robot in some franchise that uses mouths on the end of a mechanical tentacle arm to speak through. I can't remember what though.
There's quite a lot of vibrators that are pretty boring in comparison. Yea of course someone turned a corn or an eggplant into a vibrator. But it's just kinda boring. A lot of the wack shit is manual probably because they don't want to have to deal with anything other than pouring some silicone in a mold and calling it a day.
Go screw yourself.
Literally.
I just find this funny.
They're at a cock rave or some shit.
What the fuck is this thing though? Yea give me a fucking extra mouth growing out my cock.
Fucking xenomorph mouth but it's my dick.
I know people joke about vaginas being snails but I don't think this is quite what they mean by that.
Have you ever wanted to split your cock in half like an african and then have a secondary mini cock grow in the hole so that you can slap some jelly with your cock?
Tiger shaped chastity cage.
I guess all the tigers I've ever seen have been caged. Just not sure if were thinking of the same type of cage.
Do you want to stick your cock in a uhhh
a
uhhhh
a
a thing
Do you want to rub your pussy on a glow in the dark squirrel with wings?
I don't even fucking know what this thing is meant to be. It looks like you're having sex with a ringworm infection.
There are a lot of these sorts of things where it's literally just horse pussy. Not some mystical animal or anything just yea here's our horny tour of your local zoo.
I think null should sue for this. That's just the fucking site's logo.
Do you want a miniature elephant growing out your cock while you suffer from some sort of never before seen infection?
Or is this just how indians are?
I just want to stick my cock in a tube of orbees.
Look when I said I want to fuck your feet I didn't mean it that literally.
There's this thing
Ok yea a bodysuit warmer thing. Fairly normal.
Hold on.
An abdl bodysuit?
That's
Fluffy on the inside?
I mean you do you but have fun trying to wash that.
While I'm posting shit from the engrish thread.
Here's something that popped up when I searched for vore.
Here's something for all the cyclists. It satisfies both their need for a rear light and also their lust for gay anal sex both at the same time.
Have you ever gotten lost in the niche kitchen gadget item aisles and decided to have a wank while waiting for rescue to arrive?
Because this is literally just a tool for pastry. Aside from sexy. Sexy pastry. I have sex with pastry. I say as if I'm not the same colour as it before baking. People tell me I have yellow fever (because I prefer using butter in pastry instead of lard)
A plush polar bear.
With penis of course.
A penis that you put your penis in to and then put that into someone else.
A penis you can fuck and also be fucked by. Why not just stick a bottle opener in there too and make a proper multitool?
Have you ever had nightmares about being fucked by a sentient glob of spaghetti before?
I hadn't either.
Are you a butcher who wears chainmail gloves and sleeves? Well now your tiny cock can too.
Have you gotten bored of having just a green thumb and wish you could have the entire green fist instead?
Someone has.
Are you a brony bored of bad dragon horse cocks and instead want to fuck well
it's more earthworm than it is unicorn horn.
Maybe you're just Australian.
Do you ever get an itch at the back of your throat the never fucking goes away?
Well with this twenty one incher you can scratch that itch from either end.
Strawberries.
Anal sex strawberries. Just in case you wanted to pop your anal sex cherry with some anal sex strawberries and have a berry medley in your asshole.
It could be worse. At least strawberries taste good.
Unlike fucking pumpkins.
For the basic bitch pumpkin spice latte girl in your life.
Do you find anal sex too enjoyable? Do you hate how quickly you can sit down afterwards?
Have sex with a cactus.
Another one that is just fucking impossible to clean. Also there is no way those things are staying on. One use and half of those are going to rip off and get stuck inside you.
And yet another that would basically be a one time use item from the impossibility to clean it.
That's about all I can find worthy of mention. There's countless ones that are just fantasy alien monster cock. But those aren't really funny. They're just generic usable shit I guess still somewhat novelty but much less so than a fucking traffic cone.
There used to be a load of novelty fleshlights too. Things like the brain fleshlight or the bee one. But either I'm looking in the wrong places or using the wrong words because all the ones I could find are just normal. Or. Well. In the grand scheme of things. Yea horse pussy fleshlight but there's not really much you can say about that. I think those are mostly Japanese but I was mostly looking on the chink sites.
The reviews for a lot of these things are fairly interesting too. Specifically the dildos that look more vaginal than anal. A lot of the reviews include a photo the person took while holding the thing. A lot of these are visibly giant. Like in the realm of needing a 20 inch snake head just to get past the fat folds.
But that's more laughing at the language instead of the items themselves.
Here's a face hugger. It hugs you with it's vagina. Yes the red part on the left is where you stick your cock. Or it you want you can flip it around and use the tail as a dildo. Obviously.
Here's an inflatable koi carp that spits eggs into your asshole.
That's just what it does. It goes it your ass and spits eggs. And it inflates. Big and round. Like a real koi carp. I don't know who the fuck has ever looked at the dsls of a koi carp and decided actually no I don't want it to suck me off instead I want to shove it up my ass?
Did you also goon too hard during covid and now want your dildo to be covid?
Want to get fucked by a ram's horn?
Please @Made In Wales come back.
Do you also find road works sexy?
Are you French or Italian?
I just want to know how the fuck you clean that thing? Because fucking hell. Post nut clarity aside from it lasts an hour because that's how long you have to spend cleaning shit. Also that top one looks primed to snap off. Though considering some of the other products from this company I think that might be a feature instead of a bug.
Here's a Santa hat?
Apparently? If only Santa was a guy with a penis or something.
When you hit level 100 of bottoming at the furcon you can prestige and get a gold plated tail buttplug.
Sorry. I meant I am only mouth and I must bite.
It reminds me of something. There's some robot in some franchise that uses mouths on the end of a mechanical tentacle arm to speak through. I can't remember what though.
There's quite a lot of vibrators that are pretty boring in comparison. Yea of course someone turned a corn or an eggplant into a vibrator. But it's just kinda boring. A lot of the wack shit is manual probably because they don't want to have to deal with anything other than pouring some silicone in a mold and calling it a day.
Go screw yourself.
Literally.
I just find this funny.
They're at a cock rave or some shit.
What the fuck is this thing though? Yea give me a fucking extra mouth growing out my cock.
Fucking xenomorph mouth but it's my dick.
I know people joke about vaginas being snails but I don't think this is quite what they mean by that.
Have you ever wanted to split your cock in half like an african and then have a secondary mini cock grow in the hole so that you can slap some jelly with your cock?
Tiger shaped chastity cage.
I guess all the tigers I've ever seen have been caged. Just not sure if were thinking of the same type of cage.
Do you want to stick your cock in a uhhh
a
uhhhh
a
a thing
Do you want to rub your pussy on a glow in the dark squirrel with wings?
I don't even fucking know what this thing is meant to be. It looks like you're having sex with a ringworm infection.
There are a lot of these sorts of things where it's literally just horse pussy. Not some mystical animal or anything just yea here's our horny tour of your local zoo.
I think null should sue for this. That's just the fucking site's logo.
Do you want a miniature elephant growing out your cock while you suffer from some sort of never before seen infection?
Or is this just how indians are?
I just want to stick my cock in a tube of orbees.
Look when I said I want to fuck your feet I didn't mean it that literally.
There's this thing
Ok yea a bodysuit warmer thing. Fairly normal.
Hold on.
An abdl bodysuit?
That's
Fluffy on the inside?
I mean you do you but have fun trying to wash that.
While I'm posting shit from the engrish thread.
Here's something that popped up when I searched for vore.
Here's something for all the cyclists. It satisfies both their need for a rear light and also their lust for gay anal sex both at the same time.
Have you ever gotten lost in the niche kitchen gadget item aisles and decided to have a wank while waiting for rescue to arrive?
Because this is literally just a tool for pastry. Aside from sexy. Sexy pastry. I have sex with pastry. I say as if I'm not the same colour as it before baking. People tell me I have yellow fever (because I prefer using butter in pastry instead of lard)
A plush polar bear.
With penis of course.
A penis that you put your penis in to and then put that into someone else.
A penis you can fuck and also be fucked by. Why not just stick a bottle opener in there too and make a proper multitool?
Have you ever had nightmares about being fucked by a sentient glob of spaghetti before?
I hadn't either.
Are you a butcher who wears chainmail gloves and sleeves? Well now your tiny cock can too.
Have you gotten bored of having just a green thumb and wish you could have the entire green fist instead?
Someone has.
Are you a brony bored of bad dragon horse cocks and instead want to fuck well
it's more earthworm than it is unicorn horn.
Maybe you're just Australian.
Do you ever get an itch at the back of your throat the never fucking goes away?
Well with this twenty one incher you can scratch that itch from either end.
Strawberries.
Anal sex strawberries. Just in case you wanted to pop your anal sex cherry with some anal sex strawberries and have a berry medley in your asshole.
It could be worse. At least strawberries taste good.
Unlike fucking pumpkins.
For the basic bitch pumpkin spice latte girl in your life.
Do you find anal sex too enjoyable? Do you hate how quickly you can sit down afterwards?
Have sex with a cactus.
Another one that is just fucking impossible to clean. Also there is no way those things are staying on. One use and half of those are going to rip off and get stuck inside you.
And yet another that would basically be a one time use item from the impossibility to clean it.
That's about all I can find worthy of mention. There's countless ones that are just fantasy alien monster cock. But those aren't really funny. They're just generic usable shit I guess still somewhat novelty but much less so than a fucking traffic cone.
There used to be a load of novelty fleshlights too. Things like the brain fleshlight or the bee one. But either I'm looking in the wrong places or using the wrong words because all the ones I could find are just normal. Or. Well. In the grand scheme of things. Yea horse pussy fleshlight but there's not really much you can say about that. I think those are mostly Japanese but I was mostly looking on the chink sites.
The reviews for a lot of these things are fairly interesting too. Specifically the dildos that look more vaginal than anal. A lot of the reviews include a photo the person took while holding the thing. A lot of these are visibly giant. Like in the realm of needing a 20 inch snake head just to get past the fat folds.
