💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[the khat quaffer]

BURGER KING WISH THEY COULD MAKE A BURGER JOOCY AS THIS

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I can hear the e-mails coming already

not shown: paint stripper teriyaki sauce

i'll take a mcdonkadonk plain cheeseburger kids over that blue bison burger day of the week

a low res krabby patty

a blt sandwich with just tomatoes

a grilled cheese off a prison raddiator

a donald duck nazi breakfast chased with Aroma du Bacon & Eggs

I can hear the ambulances coming already

 

[souschef]

not shown: paint stripper teriyaki sauce

i'll take a mcdonkadonk plain cheeseburger kids over that blue bison burger day of the week

a low res krabby patty

a blt sandwich with just tomatoes

a grilled cheese off a prison raddiator

a donald duck nazi breakfast chased with Aroma du Bacon & Eggs

I can hear the ambulances coming already

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Patty so cold mozzarella won't melt on it

And yet he wants to shit on McDonalds

 

[densedance]

BURGER KING WISH THEY COULD MAKE A BURGER JOOCY AS THIS



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[Adamska]

Yea, crispy bacon on a burger just doesn't work for me. Weird texture to have something hard and crispy in a burger

Bacon on a burger has to have a bit of give in my preference too. A bit of crunch isn't an issue, but rock hard just messes with the texture for me.

BURGER KING WISH THEY COULD MAKE A BURGER JOOCY AS THIS

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I can hear the e-mails coming already

He does that a lot, since he likes his burgers stupidly thick because more meat. This fatlogic of trying to save all the fud at once is also why he autistically hates smash burgers.

 

[the khat quaffer]

A good burger is worth $15. He's getting a crappy fast food burger and acting like it's somehow gourmet.

That's kinda what I was getting at. He's waddling through the fetid waters separating slop and quality. Slopity? Either way at $9* he's closer to slop than quality.
Little does it matter because at the end all we have is Jack fingerbanging his meat like the special needs toddler he is, Tammy squirting on the counter like a messy gurl, and the usual gormless reverie of "mm, gud...this one i guess. mm".
There was no discussion about what made these sandwiches special. It looked like the same shit we've been getting for decades only more expensive. This video is anti-marketing for the sandwiches.

*biiig america man spend much . big papa smurf

 

[Seymour Duncan]

-demanded quintuple-size meals while in medical assisted living for a major illness caused solely by his own gluttony, and got them.

And even that wasn't enough as he sicced Tammy into sneaking in some takeout for him, nothing says "I'm recovering from a stroke" like a nice fried chicken combo meal.

 

[Shartavius]

I can't speak for anyone else, but the moment Rob chose to take while showing off his tool for filling sausage casings is one of my favorite moments in the history of this thread.

 

[Bassomatic]

Not only does Rob mog Jack that looks amazing and I want to try it.

Not a mic so when we do st Patty day I first always double the pickle spice (trust me) second I get good new rye (seeded and Jewish) then English mustard or a brown (guldmans etc).
Helluva sandwich.

Colecanon > cabbage solo.

Jacks burger stuff just made me laugh at him. Both those burgers look like an excuse to cook at home.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

BURGER KING WISH THEY COULD MAKE A BURGER JOOCY AS THIS

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I can hear the e-mails coming already

That absolute fucking mong thinking THAT was seared properly. Then he tops it off with cheese straight out of the fridge.

Patty so cold mozzarella won't melt on it

And yet he wants to shit on McDonalds

Hey! That was Provolone you philistine!

But yeah, he's got no leg to stand on only because only one of them works.

Not a mic so when we do st Patty day I first always double the pickle spice (trust me) second I get good new rye (seeded and Jewish) then English mustard or a brown (guldmans etc).
Helluva sandwich.

I was with you until you mentioned seeded rye which is evil. Sorry but caraway seeds are nasty as fuck.

Swap it out for a nice sourdough rye and I'm there.

 

[semitooth]

 

[Spasticus Autisticus]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=Uadf6T9OCoI

I know we keep saying this but Jack really looks like he’s deteriorated even in the last few months. His breathing is labored, his face droop is more apparent, voice scratchy, and he can’t even take two small sidesteps without over-exerting himself. All to make this completely worthless video where he poorly copies a viral trend that has already passed. Does he think that nobody in his audience has heard of TikTok or Instagram?

 

[Super Hans v2]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=Uadf6T9OCoI

This is the best video he's put out in a year.

-Spends a third of the vid bitching about how his barn/studio is already falling apart
-Gets winded moving his mass of fatness six inches to the right
-Attempts to whip still hard cream cheese in a free-standing bowl with a hand mixer
-Reveals that he has a TUB of garlic powder on standby

 

[AnOminous]

Yea, crispy bacon on a burger just doesn't work for me. Weird texture to have something hard and crispy in a burger

I actually like it but if I'm going to go crispy on a burger, I'm going all in on that shit. At that point, I also want those crispy onions too. My current preference, though, is putting the ground bacon in the burger itself and doing it smashburger style.
(Not turning it into sausage though.)

https://youtube.com/watch?v=1pMZLT_hIKc
I can't speak for anyone else, but the moment Rob chose to take while showing off his tool for filling sausage casings is one of my favorite moments in the history of this thread.

Rob is basically Jesus. I'm making exactly this tomorrow. And I was before his video. This man is Christ resurrected. Wish me luck. I got the brats. I got the buns. I got the kraut. And I got the insanely vicious Russian dark mustard that causes your head to explode.

 

[saralovesjuicyfruit]

This moment feels like a comedy bit and is why 1% of 1% of me thinks his life is performance art. A ruse to be revealed by pre-recorded video when the upload trigger, linked to his heart, is set off by his death. Because that was unironically the funniest thing I have seen all week.

Also, has a more pussified man ever lived? My God. One day years ago I misordered Indian food and the place sent me saag at their highest spice level. I was poor so I ate it dutifully, but of course it wasn't fun.

This motherfucker added 1 TB of (cheap, generic, probably stale) red pepper flakes, neutralized the capsaicin with multiple dairy items and oils and fats, ate the tiniest bite, and wept and retched on camera.

This is why he keeps a loaded gun in his nightstand and fantasizes about using it to protect his pure, holy, highly desirable wife from some intruder who wants to drink Starbucks and ravage her (in that order). He knows he is the pussiest manlet to ever scoot the earth.

Now I'm just imagining that you ate your too-spicy food delivery and periodically exclaimed,"OOOOH AHHHH OOH IT'S HOT, HOLDONNAMINNIT!"

 

[Steak Tartare]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=Uadf6T9OCoI

okay now you guys know i just built my studio i got a Samsung refrigerator dishwasher stove and right here behind me i got the microwave so ive got to warn you guys the Samsung microwave is famous for going out black put the time in hit the start button and it it just goes dead im not the only one look on the internet its something that happens okay so im getting a new microwave i thought that id warn you in case you are getting a Samsung microwave dont get it go with another brand or go with the upper model the B-spoke but that model they i dont know if its the door sensor popping the breaker weve weve looked at everything so theyre pulling it out and giving us a new one but it just dies on you okay its kind of a a gambling game hey you want to use your microwave today ? good luck all right guys lets get into the dip

Spoiler: Bonus: Pickle Rick XD

 

[the khat quaffer]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=Uadf6T9OCoI

I know we keep saying this but Jack really looks like he’s deteriorated even in the last few months. His breathing is labored, his face droop is more apparent, voice scratchy, and he can’t even take two small sidesteps without over-exerting himself. All to make this completely worthless video where he poorly copies a viral trend that has already passed. Does he think that nobody in his audience has heard of TikTok or Instagram?

^ I've gotta echo this sentiment. This first two minutes were truly rough. Jack, baby...I've said this somewhat in jest...but you are dying. You are fucking dying.

I have had that same brand microwave in two apartments. Never had any problems. I dunno if they were samsung or whatever but they had the same form factor. The door handle, buttons and shit.

2:40 Disappointed to not get the Alzheimer's Milkshake.

3:24 what

4:05 TAMMY CHOP THOSE BETTER, BITCH

4:51 "these are very stiff..crunchy...made out of penis."

"If you don't like pickles...don't make the PICKLE DIP RECIPE"

Maybe I'm caught up in my feelings but this video has me feeling some kind of way. I've joked about it before but...dammit Jack, I genuinely think you have one stump in the grave. If someone told me this video was filmed & uploaded minutes before that last stroke calls you home, I wouldn't question it. This could be the memento mori video precluding the release of Jack from the surly bonds of his mortal coil.

You've got much, much worse concerns than that fucking microwave.

 

[souschef]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=Uadf6T9OCoI

THE PICKLE DIP VIRAL RECIPE THAT'S BREAKING THE INTERNET​

This recipe was 100% AI generated and i'm sure of it. I can smell AI recipes a mile away because they make little sense. I just know Jack prompted it to include the shreddy cheddar cheese, and ChatGPT, always a yesman, included it in this nonsense

1 - None of the ingredients are "finely chopped", if i presented those as finely chopped i'd get a big ladle bonk on my head. Hell there's a whole slice of ham in there, what the fuck jack
2 - get Tammy to help if you need help whisking cream cheese, that bowl almost flew away
3 - as i said, that shreddy cheese should be nowhere in this recipe, so bad it can't even melt, but yeah it's gonna work out on a room temp "sauce", just watch
4 - gives it a good mix: stabs it 3 times and cuts off the video so tammy can help
5 - there's not enough salt for all this slop, under seasoned
6 - adds more brine, your huge pickle slices have enough of it already
7 - result is a clumpy and chunky mass because you didn't properly combined anything and nothing was finely diced

I can forgive the rick and morty reference but i can't forgive this recipe. Nope... Everything on this video is bad

I give this a solid 2/10 and i wouldn't dip my food in

 

[densedance]

1 - None of the ingredients are "finely chopped", if i presented those as finely chopped i'd get a big ladle bonk on my head. Hell there's a whole slice of ham in there, what the fuck jack

That was Brunoise OBJ

 

[a terminal posture]

This recipe was 100% AI generated and i'm sure of it. I can smell AI recipes a mile away because they make little sense.

He mentions in the video that this is a viral recipe. You look online and every recipe site has this dip. Its more or less the same recipe on every site. It's a ultra basic non-cooked recipe for an American dip base, with added pickle flavoring. What does it even matter if it's AI? Even the most hallucinating AI wouldn't ever tell you to make 'meat chili'.

 

[Shartavius]

Spends a third of the vid bitching about how his barn/studio is already falling apart

In this respect, I'm glad Jack's living to see all the obvious consequences of his Dunning-Kruger corner-cutting catch up to more than his health. I'm also waiting for an incident in which he wraps up another hour-long session of massaging his heart with his working hand while he shits like a turtle laying eggs on the beach (including the instinct to feebly sweep sand over it with his flippers), then screams for Tammy to come in and help him retrieve his penis after it fell off into the bowl; looking like a freezer-burnt skinless chicken thigh sitting on a pile of black pearls and nutella, floating in blood and a lipid layer of fat chunks the size of styrofoam packing peanuts.