About a week ago, I 36 trans woman posted that my spouse of 13 years was leaving me. Technically, 16 years if you count dating and friendship.
Original post can be found here.
https://www.reddit.com/r/MtF/s/xQj8u88t1f
This is a follow up. And please no parenting advice, it isn't needed.
I am preparing to move out by the end of the year, possibly sooner. My soon to be ex and I have been talking more over text. I have been neutral, calm, and fully myself. I am keeping everything platonic and respectful on my end. Most of the messages have been mundane logistics.
She recently started using ChatGPT for self reflection after I mentioned that I use it for roleplaying and to idle chit chat for fun. We cannot afford therapy and wait times are long, so I am not against her using tools to reflect. It's a good thing thing to have.
Today I started condensing my belongings. I donated most of my old wardrobe and threw out a lot of clutter. I still have a lot left between my place and storage, but I am actively sorting. She has been surprisingly cooperative. I even offered her some extra consoles I do not need since I have duplicates. Less to travel with. She is taking her things aswell.
Majority of the household items belong to me which means I won't be going empty handed when I move somewhere. Probably enough to fit a Uhaul trailer, but eveything else would be a few trips. I guess I am moving mostly because of the state is hostile against the LGBTQ+ and of course getting away from my toxic family.
Here is where things shifted.
She started calling me by my name and pronouns.
Consistently. Sierra. She/Her.
In person.
I froze like a deer in headlights. She has been combative and resistant for months. I have set very clear boundaries recently, and suddenly she is respecting them.
We even went to Applebee’s with my eldest daughter. She used my name and pronouns the entire time infront of everyone. No sarcasm. No slip ups.
I genuinely do not know how to process this.
This is the same person who leaned into gatekeeping arguments and political rhetoric at me constantly. The same person that has transphobia!
Did my boundaries finally land, is this fear of losing me and is this progress with herself reflection? This feels like I got bamboozled by this entire situation because I am literally caught off guard by this sudden shift. How do I even process this?!?
There is a portion of me that wants to make things actually work because of our family and our history together. However, at the same time I am already putting myself out there for relationships because she pushed and treated me so badly. It is very complicated.
I am literally moving far as possible with my eldest daughter because of the anti-LGBTQ+ movement with state polcies and laws that is sweeping our state thanks to Christian Nationalism, Terf and MAGA. Hopefully before the year is up, I'll be ready and have my legal side stuff done with my driver's license renewed. My eldest daughter identifies as apart of the LGBTQ+ just like me she wants safety and I am all for it to make sure she has a better life. I told my soon to be ex that I am not coming back to this state and cutting off all ties with immediate family (have a toxic relationship with my mother and family is rejecting us).
Has anyone been in this situation where this is a temporary adjustment or actual growth? Please let me know and provide proper advice of feedback on this situation?