Metro-east family asks for tolerance after suicide of transgender child
ArchiveToni and Kevin Link don’t completely understand why their youngest child struggled with gender dysphoria, dressed like a “cat maid” or became despondent after losing her job as a church custodian.
But the Pontoon Beach couple said the 24-year-old, Naomi Link, died by suicide in 2024, compelling them to share their story and ask religious leaders and others in the community to show love and tolerance when dealing with transgender young people.
“It just seems like these kids today don’t have a chance,” said Toni, 56, a homemaker. “You’ve got a lot of judgment out there, people slandering them, making fun of them, taking their rights away. They can’t do this. They can’t do that. It’s just so sad. I feel like they’re human, too.”
Naomi was an introverted but good-hearted person, an animal lover and avid online gamer who received positive reviews for her “mods” – video-game modifications — according to her parents.
The Links said Naomi was fired from her job as a custodian at St. John Lutheran Church in Granite City because she wouldn’t sign a document agreeing to wear a shirt, pants and shoes to work instead of a French maid outfit with cat ears, a tail and stocking feet.
Less than a week later, Naomi was dead. She had lost the sense of value and purpose that the job provided, her parents said.
The Rev. Bill Hale, St. John’s pastor, said church leaders asked that Naomi follow a dress code, not to discriminate or deter her gender transition, but to address safety concerns and establish appropriate attire for maintenance staff at a Christian church.
“We did not at the time, nor do we now, view it as a (gender issue),” Hale said last week.
According to Madison County coroner’s office records, a 24-year-old male legally named Joshua Link was found dead Sept. 2, 2024, in a treehouse in a wooded area behind the Link family’s home in Pontoon Beach. The cause of death was listed as suicide.
Naomi had been transitioning to female for about two years and planned to change her name legally and undergo sex-reassignment surgery, Toni said. Most people knew her as “Nomad Thunder.”
“That was his gaming name,” Toni said. “We had been calling him that for years. He didn’t like the name Joshua.”
The Links said they loved their child and supported her transition, but now that Naomi is gone, they feel most comfortable using the name Joshua with male pronouns. The BND is using the name and pronouns corresponding with her most recent gender identity, except in quotations.
Toni and Kevin also have another transgender child, Sophia, 30, whose transition has included hormone therapy and a legal name change. She lives with them and works at a pizza restaurant.
The Links said they believe Hale and church leaders are partly responsible for Naomi’s death because they showed little empathy or concern and gave her an ultimatum that led to a mental health crisis.
“(The pastor) wasn’t worried about her well-being or her state of mind,” Sophia said. “He was worried about her clothes.”
Toni and Kevin said they wanted to sue the church but couldn’t find an attorney to take the case. They filed a formal complaint with its governing body, The Lutheran Church–Missouri Synod.
The synod did not respond to BND requests for comment.
“People deserve to know when those who claim to represent Christian values fail to uphold them, especially when the public continues to support such institutions financially,” said Kevin, 62, a former property investor and landlord now in lawn maintenance.
Hale disputed the Links’ characterization that he lacked empathy or concern for Naomi in a recent BND interview that included Church President Brian Schuelke and Chief Elder Joel West.
Hale said church leaders had multiple conversations with Naomi about appropriate work attire for a year, at one point discussing compromises such as her wearing coveralls over the French maid outfit.
“If we did not have any empathy for the situation that the family was in, we could have easily terminated him immediately,” Hale said.
Naomi had been working as church custodian for more than four years. In the beginning, she wore traditional men’s clothing. It is unclear when she switched to the cat-maid outfit.
Church leaders initially set a deadline of July 21, 2024, for Naomi to sign a document agreeing to abide by an employee handbook with a dress code, giving her a month to review it, according to letters between the Links and Hale shared with the BND.
The Links said that prompted Naomi — who had suffered from depression but had only been treated for attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder by a family doctor — to have a "mental breakdown" and get an emergency evaluation at a St. Louis hospital.
Kevin wrote St. John leaders and asked for a deadline extension, stating that he and Toni hoped to obtain a doctor's note regarding Naomi’s "mental health needs" and the importance of her current attire.
Kevin argued that an extension would be a "reasonable accommodation" under the Americans with Disabilities Act.
Hale noted that Kevin was not a legal spokesman for his adult child, and that as a pastor he could not reveal the content of his private conversations with Naomi. That prompted her to send a letter.
“I really like my job as your church custodian these last 4+ years,” she wrote. “I really try hard to keep your church clean. The job is very important to me and I hope you will let me keep it.
“I do not fully understand the legal papers Pastor Bill wishes me to sign. Please consider this letter as my permission to have my Mom (Toni) or Dad (Kevin) speak and sign on my behalf.” Naomi signed the letter as “Nomad (Joshua) Link.”
As the signing deadline approached, tensions rose between the Links and Hale, based on their letters. Kevin accused the pastor of behaving in an "impersonal, uncaring and unloving way."
Kevin wrote that Naomi had been in a "fragile state of mind" for years and was increasingly isolated, and that church actions had created feelings of anxiety and "worthlessness."
Hale said church leaders believed that custodians should dress according to their tasks, but they never asked Naomi to wear "gender appropriate" clothing, noting that gender-neutral pants would have been acceptable with a provided St. John-labeled work shirt.
"Frankly, the wearing of a French maid’s costume, and working in stocking feet, is not only unhygienic, it poses a risk of injury when handling equipment and abrasive cleaners," Hale wrote in one letter to the Links.
“As we have insisted in the past, custodial work is not a gender issue. The work to be performed is to be done in a professional manner and in a manner conducive of work being performed at a Christian church.”
Hale stated that he also wouldn’t allow swimwear, MAGA (Make America Great Again) hats or other politically or culturally controversial clothing, and that he knows of no other employers who would condone employees wearing “costumes” on the job.
Kevin responded that Naomi’s work did not involve heavy machinery or dangerous substances, and that it was unfair for the church to suddenly change policy after initially allowing her to wear the cat-maid outfit as long as she used a back door and stayed out of sight.
Ultimately, church leaders extended the deadline to Aug. 27, 2024, for Naomi to sign the document. Failure to do so, they warned, would be considered a resignation. She did not sign.
On Sept. 2, 2024, it was Kevin who found Naomi dead in the treehouse, which had served as a refuge since childhood. Her obituary, listed under Joshua “Nomad” Link, featured a photo of her in a cat-maid outfit. She was buried in St. John Cemetery.
Toni later sent two complaint letters to The Lutheran Church–Missouri Synod, based in St Louis, demanding accountability, but no one replied, according to the Links.
“I don’t want to see another family ever get hurt like we got hurt,” Toni said this month.
“Gender dysphoria” is generally defined as “a distressed state arising from conflict between a person’s gender identity and the sex the person was identified as having at birth.”
The American Medical Association and other major U.S. medical groups recognize a spectrum of gender identities and take the position that “gender-affirming care” – ranging from hormonal therapy to surgery – is medically necessary as determined by doctor and patient.
That view runs contrary to the doctrines of many religious organizations, including The Lutheran Church–Missouri Synod, a Protestant denomination with about 6,000 congregations in the United States.
The synod’s website includes a letter from President Matthew Harrison and a statement on sexual orientation and gender identity. Both affirm the church’s belief that homosexuality is a sin and that God created humanity with two sexes, male and female.
“Unfortunately, society has increasingly walked away from the clear biblical teaching of human sexuality and an individual’s God-given sex,” Harrison wrote. “Many have been deceived and confused by this false humanistic teaching.”
On the other hand, the statement recognizes all people as “neighbors,” condemns abuse of those who experience same-sex attraction or “gender-identity confusion,” and encourages churches to "minister compassionately" to them and their families.
Hale said St. John services focus on worshiping God, preaching his word and administering the sacraments, not on social, political or cultural issues.
“We don’t exclude (people in the LGBTQ community),” he said. “We’re welcoming. But we also are a scripturally based Christian church.”
Christy Ferguson, director of the women’s, gender and sexuality studies program at Southern Illinois University Edwardsville, said she could not speak on Naomi’s case but noted that clothing can be important for people exploring their gender identities.
“Generally, a main representation of our gender is the outfit that we wear,” she said. “It’s the person that we’re presenting to the world in the ways that feel most comfortable to us.
“Clothing does make a big impact, especially for some people who feel they don’t fit the binary world of male-female or she-him.”
Cat-maid characters — human maids with feline traits — are common in Japanese anime, and outfits can be purchased online. They are popular among cosplayers and “femboys,” a slang term for males who express themselves in traditionally feminine ways.
According to Sophia, cat-maid outfits were key to Naomi’s expression of identity. That was all she would wear.
Workplace discrimination based on sexual orientation or transgender status is prohibited under the Civil Rights Act of 1964, as interpreted by the U.S. Supreme Court.
However, the government’s approach to gender issues took a sharp turn last year, when President Donald Trump began his second term. He signed an executive order stating that the United States recognized only two sexes, male and female, and his administration began pulling back on transgender rights.
The executive order decried "an ongoing and purposeful attack against the ordinary and longstanding use and understanding of biological and scientific terms, replacing the immutable biological reality of sex with an internal, fluid, and subjective sense of self unmoored from biological facts."
Toni Link holds up Naomi, a cat that her Pontoon Beach family adopted shortly after the suicide of her youngest child, Naomi Link, in 2024. Joshua Carter Belleville News-Democrat
Kevin began attending St. John Lutheran Church as a child. He met Toni, a 17-year-old new to the area, at church in the 1980s. Later, as a married couple with two children, they continued to attend, and Kevin served as council member and property trustee.
The Links said the family’s problems at church began in 2022, when Sophia became depressed and suicidal over feelings of gender dysphoria and started wearing women’s clothing and makeup.
The Links said two private meetings with church leaders turned ugly after the leaders began reading Bible verses and implying that Sophia’s behavior was wrong.
“At that point, the whole family stopped attending services,” Kevin said. “We started watching them at home.”
Today, the Links attend Harvest Community Church, a non-denominational church in Granite City, where they said the congregation has been welcoming and nonjudgmental.
Hale, who has served as St. John’s pastor since 2017, said its leaders never barred Sophia from services or pushed her to change her gender identity, but he did stop administering the sacrament of communion after she “declared denial of faith in Christ.”
Sophia suspects that she lost her part-time job in lawn maintenance at the church due to her transitioning. Schuelke said that’s not true. He said financial constraints on the small congregation forced leaders to eliminate the position, and volunteers took over duties.
Hale said church members continue to pray for the Link family.
“We feel for them,” he said. “No family should ever have to go through the tragic events which led up to and resulted in the death of their son.”
The Links said they did their best as parents to provide love and support while not fully grasping Naomi’s internal or external pressures or the world of video gaming that so consumed her.
They continue to be haunted by how her life ended and encourage other parents, community leaders and ordinary citizens to be mindful of what young people with gender dysphoria may be experiencing.
“Joshua would say, ‘People don’t accept me for who I am,’ and I’d say, ‘Mom and Dad accept you,’” Toni said. “And he’d say, ‘Well, other people out in the world don’t accept me.’ And then he’d say, ‘What’s the use, Mom? What’s the use?’”
