For about a year now I've been mentally preparing for the moment when the show ends and everyone gets to confidently declare that I was always the bad guy. That Vito was always a big dumb idiot who never truly loved the fans, never listened to reason, and now deserves only failure and ridicule.
And it seems maybe that moment is here? After passing a few dozen previous tests of my character and devotion to the show, I finally found myself so overwhelmed by it all that I just wanted off the stage as quickly as possible. I had wanted to reiterate what I said on the bonus episode: that I really no longer care about moderating the show in any capacity and I'm happy to just be hands off and let it be a den of chaos. I just needed some details as to what "giving up mod permissions" means. We have a number of shared accounts, email, YouTube, Patreon, etc. What specifically am I being asked to give up? Do I need to be removed from these show accounts or is there some way you can simply trust I don't actually care about banning anyone any longer?
And I guess that's where the frustration got to me, is that I don't know how to get answers to these questions. I'm forced to ask for clarification in front of an audience of hundreds of people, many of whom are hanging onto every word waiting for me to say the wrong thing so they can gleefully revel in my stupidity and ignorance. And those same people are now listening to a big drum roll, waiting for Vito to fuck up his answer to some big ultimatum and destroy his show and incomes.
And I guess they got what they want? I got anxious and fled the situation, out of fear it would devolve into yet another endless argument about my stupidity and presumed dishonesty like so many before it. I got too consumed with worrying about looking stupid, and ended up looking stupid regardless.
So if that one dumb moment ends the show and makes me the bad guy, alright. I've put a lot of energy into trying to keep this show together, and if the note the show ends on is me pissing my pants in the final hour, that's fine. A lot of people have been waiting for my inevitable fuck-up, and if it wasn't this moment it probably would have been another one.
Doing this show has been the most fun experience of my life. I don't know how it devolved into such awkward chaos, and I apologize for any role I played in making it that way. I want the show to continue, but if I failed the big test and made that impossible, I understand.
At the end of the day, I enjoy making comedy, and this show helped me discover that podcasting really is a great talent of mine. Regardless of what happens, I hope I can continue podcasting for years to come, and I hope some of you will forgive my occasional stupidity and allow me to keep entertaining you.
I know that for so many I'm the bad guy who ruined the show. But I think I've learned from the experience. I think I'm much better than I used to be.
I promise I'll try to not be the bad guy anymore.
I love the fans!
- Vito
