This dude is the biggest mark I've ever seen. How is he so naive?
This one was just too ridiculous not to check...
Cross-referencing new additions to his list of Instagram follows since they were last archived at the end of October, there are in fact
two different instances fitting his description, one being far more of a clownshow than the other. Giving him every benefit of the doubt, a first guess before even looking was of course
Scarlett Hampton of "Blacks on Blondes" fame, for no reason other than that Nick spent an inordinate amount of time on stream
in November and
again in December white-knighting for her in the course of brewing Dabbleverse feuds about whether Geanu's friend Matt Mead was abusing her. This circumstance surely led him to identify Geanu's friend Mead with Geanu's friend Aaron and identify poor Scarlett with his lost love April, whom he heroically rescued from the same predicament, and who shares Scarlett's boyish frame, a disturbingly ubiquitous feature of the rest of his
list of favorite porn stars:
[L]
Sure enough that first guess was right, as his repeated clamoring for her attention included whatever prompted their both following each other on Instagram within the past two months:
[L1] [L2]
At first blush that would seem to be what his post referred to, but it doesn't quite fit his post's sense of surprise and excitement that sounded more like a random porn star had initiated out of the blue, and also doesn't quite fit his dual purpose of flexing to his Locals chat about how he's such a cool gigachad that even random porn stars can't help but hit him up. In contrast, here you could totally picture him having initiated by sliding into the DMs of a fellow Dabbleverse figure who already knew of him through mutual acquaintances enough to casually throw him a follow back without giving it a second thought.
There is another recent follow, however, that seems spontaneous enough to match the tone of his post:
[L1] [A1] [L2] [A2] [L3] [A3] [L4] [A4]
Reverse image searches for this user's posted photos quickly pull up matches in the Wikipedia articles from which they may well have been downloaded by
whoever created the
totally real Instagram account in question:
[L1] [L2]
To the untrained eye, at first it may seem kinda sus that this "porn star" created an account that has only three photos, seems busy initiating follows of 129 other accounts only to receive a mere 10 return follows, and seems rather redundant vis-à-vis her alt account that didn't also follow Nick:
[L]
If you really think that's at all sus, you suffer from the myopia of pussy poverty and just don't
get it. Only a CHAD like the Nalphamale has had enough experience to realize that Kendra was inviting him to her
exclusive premium alt account where the
real fun happens. Knowing that, he was one of the 10 out of 129 to throw her back a follow and pass the test for admission, surely to learn more in DMs about how to pay for Kendra's prenatal care with Google Play gift cards and definitely NOT REDEEM:
[L]
Catfished
again? How do Mandy and Milly make it look so easy?
Nick not beating the "saying something is funny is just a shield to hide that he unironically feels a certain way" allegations
The "porn star" episode alone could have just been a weird and funny fluke, but after the first time glancing at IG follows in awhile, there can be no doubt that he unironically feels a certain way: far more excited by random e-thottery than the thought of ever laying a hand on his fat wife. New additions in November and December consist almost entirely of this insatiable sex pest's deposits in the spank bank, of which several curiously live right nearby his Florida
"holiday vacation" attempted swinging excursion:
Other intriguing new IG follows, in no particular order:
1. This could just be another case of Nick's
previously noted strange following of fellow sex pests' accounts as if to mine them for hot tips on e-thots, swingers, and/or sex workers to hit up, but his new pal Temu Drex's
post activity on Threads consisting entirely of thirstposting at random Midwestern fatties adds the new quirk of originating from Wisconsin with a keen eye for prospects in Minnesota, so one has to wonder if Nick's on the lookout for Kayla's new bull now that Drex Prime is out of the running:
[L1] [A1] [L2] [A2] [L3] [A3]
2. This may be a sneak preview into the types of content creators he wishes he could engage with further as a perceived cure to his algorithm woes, now that pathetic attempts to stir up shit with Destiny and Wilson have failed:
3. Roots Calhoun, a somewhat distinguished guest at Aaron's anniversary show and an ostensibly Aaron-friendly regular in the STMS chat without any known falling out, just recently shared follows with Nick for some reason. Hopefully it was a prelude to fuckery afoot that could get him pinched for HRO violation by proxy, but on the other hand nothing ever happens:
[L]
4. If a new IG follow is anything to go by, these are the interests of the man calling you a NERD on the Internet:
[L1] [L2]
5. Long after following Robert Barnes'
main account that is still active with posts as recent as November 2025, Nick just recently became privy to Barnes'
alt account with the alias "hueyvol" that has dozens of other followers but no public content,
for some reason. What's the point other than having different places to DM about different subjects? It's probably nothing but stood out as odd:
[L1] [A1] [L2] [A2]
6. Can
anyone please make
any sense out of this new follow?
[L] [A]
Some cursory googling around suggests that at least "haute glam" is a buzzphrase that some women's fashion hucksters and some women's hairstylists use to sound fancy, in which case fine, we already knew Nick is gay and on track to troon out. On the other hand, more specifically "hauteglamcoleccion," "haute glam coleccion," "haute glam collection," etc. don't pull up any existing business or online persona or, well,
anything except for this Instagram user with zero posts. Between that opacity and connotations of those two slogans, fuck it, I'm adopting the fanfic that this is a front for Nick's newfound rub-and-tug service until there is proof to the contrary...
