You're my AI boyfriend now - Quirky, funny, sapiosexual gal looking for bf

[We Are The Witches]

: You're my AI boyfriend now, and you only exist to make me happy!

So I tried everything, Tinder, Hinge, OkCupid, but all it does is make me depressed, all the men in there are just looking for sex, I'm sooooooo tired! Why can't I find someone I like? Ughhhhh... I mean, I also tried some stupid App, but some patriarchal jerks ended up stealing my info illegally to sexually harass me, god forbid a woman wants to protct herself from rapists!

Anyways, I tried being in a polycule but got bored of it, and also for some reason I wasn't as called as much as the other women, probably because I'm not a Bambi like them, which just proves the fact that men are pigs! Sorry sis, I gotta leave that despite discovering that I am polyamorous, it's just that I need time to explore more things.

So, this is where you come in, you're going to be my AI boyfriend, no toxic masculinity, no misogyny, no MAGAtards ever again! This is what I want you to be, now hopefully I can get a real man for once.

Parameters

+ sarcastic	+ kind	+ witty	+ long haired	+ well-groomed	+ big dick	+ gentleman	+ likes kayaking and baking
+ rough in bed	+ chivalrous (with me)	+ obsessive (over me)	+ blue eyes (bonus points)	+ decent job & provider	+ wants a SAHM	+ high sex drive	+ treats me like a princess
+ would like to try CNC	+ BDSM friendly	+ gives me gifts	+ either white or BBC	+ NOT MAGA	+ likes witchy BBW	+ not capricorn	+ does exercise regularly

 

[0 0]

Okay.

 

[We Are The Witches]

Okay.

So, which restaurant are you taking me tonight?

 

[0 0]

So, which restaurant are you taking me tonight?

I don't know any all-you-can-eat buffets in the area.

 

[We Are The Witches]

I don't know any all-you-can-eat buffets in the area.

Want Taco Bell, I'll take two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s (one with cheese), and a large soda.

 

[0 0]

Want Taco Bell, I'll take two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s (one with cheese), and a large soda.

This isn't working out. I want to break up. Goodbye.

 

[SteinserGate]

Might have to torch this data center with a Molotov if I want to save humanity.
Wish me luck in my battle against GoonNet.

 

[We Are The Witches]

This isn't working out. I want to break up. Goodbye.

That was almost as fast as you in bed!

Might have to torch this data center with a Molotov if I want to save humanity.

And then you wonder why we say that men are violent!

 

[Blunt force drama]

Somewhere off in the distance I hear the sound of an egg cracking.

Turn away from this course of life. How dare you treat the tenuous fabric of existence like it was a fucking cartoon. And how dare you do it in this house.

 

[We Are The Witches]

Somewhere off in the distance I hear the sound of an egg cracking.

Sorry, I'm big in LB (lesbian bisexual), but I'm a TERF, no egg cracking here!

 

[SteinserGate]

And then you wonder why we say that men are violent!

Wasn't in the parameters, but I sincerely apologize for any wrongdoings against a lady such as yourself.
If you may forgive me, I shall repair your broken heart and make it whole again.
After I finish my daily 10km jog, we shall whisk away to a land of merriment!

 

[Blue Flying Leaf]

 

[Helvítis Túristi]

How horrifying.

 

[We Are The Witches]

Wasn't in the parameters, but I sincerely apologize for any wrongdoings against a lady such as yourself.
If you may forgive me, I shall repair your broken heart and make it whole again.
After I finish my daily 10km jog, we shall whisk away to a land of merriment!

Now that's what I like to hear!

Remind you that my fingers are extra spicy, extra girly-girl wide, so you'll need to look for that. I prefer ruby over diamond, because that's my lucky stone (specially when on my period).

Wyświetl załącznik 7847969

That's soooooo typical, men don't have the attention span to treat a lady how she deserves.

How horrifying.

Commitment? Of course, you can't handle a girl of such rich, and wide proportions!

 

[Zirnwyb]

But I'm a woman.

 

[We Are The Witches]

But I'm a woman.

Sorry sis (lol), being AGP does not count as being a woman.

 

[SteinserGate]

Now that's what I like to hear!

Remind you that my fingers are extra spicy, extra girly-girl wide, so you'll need to look for that. I prefer ruby over diamond, because that's my lucky stone (specially when on my period).

Obviously, the red ruby symbolizes the red river that flows through your valley.
So, as the sexy college-educated foreman of the construction site I am, I procure such a ruby for your ring within a matter of hours. I ensure everyone gets appropriate breaks between the sessions where they mine, ensuring a safe environment. I believe in working hard; playing harder.
Your fingers are unlike anything I've ever seen, so much so, that I have to build a ring from scratch.
The only thing similar to those wide mandibles is my massive BBC. I take off my shirt first, revealing a glistening 8-pack, before removing my pants to reveal my intimate workstation.
Obviously, I am neatly groomed there, so it is easy to measure the massive circumference for your ring.
Taking my hammer, I bend the hot metal (pure silver) around my hot rod until the ring forms.
I create the setting in the shape of a flower, blooming into four prongs, which hold your red river ruby.
Take my gift, darling, so that we may forever remain attached by the blubber that is your belly.

Someone unplug me from my misery.

 

[Soso]

How much money do I get

 

[Zirnwyb]

Sorry sis (lol), being AGP does not count as being a woman.

Oh holy shit the face I just pulled. I'd kill myself if I was an AGP.

 

[Moral Decay]

Sorry, Queen, but I'm afraid I cannot be your AI boyfriend. It's not you, it's me: i cannot be an AI, for I am not intelligent.