Are you lost needing femoid advice post here - For the poor bastard's who dare or are just curious

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Had one of those days at work where I'm staring longingly out the window at oncoming traffic, wondering if I should go tiananmen square on some passing semis.
Out of nowhere my gf texts asking how my day is going.

Maybe it's a guy thing but I have never appreciated that question until recently, genuine concern for my wellbeing, without a shred of formality of feigned interest. I'm gonna try and ask her more often, although she usually tells me unprompted.
 
Okay, how do I convince a real women that I know that someone's death wasn't their fault (they seemingly give of the vibe they'd blame themselves for shit). I am asking this because this is a site associated with this shit, and I have tried to tell them it is not their fault but I want to hear other opinions as to best be there for them as a friend.
 
ConsentAccidentVictimNo98 powiedział(a):
how do I convince
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You don't.

Be honest, give your point of view, provide good reasons for it. But believing you can force someone to think a certain way is bullshit.

You never know what's really in someone's head. Unless you propose to know them completely, you have to accept you can't make someone feel the way you want them to.
She may have reasons for seeing herself as at fault that you may not know or understand. It could be her personality is to wallow in misery and find ways to always be "poor me". It could just be her way of dealing with it. She might not even feel that way at all.

Being there for a friend, as a real friend, sometimes means supporting them even when they're not doing/thinking/living as you would, or as you'd want them to. I'd be fucking pissed if I was grieving and some faggot tried to alter my thinking because to them, that was the right way to think. Regardless if it was right to me. Fucking what's next, you gonna witness to me and try some "born again" bullshit?

The point is that "support" means going along for the ride, not forcing them onto a specific track.
 
I'm starting to realize the reason I lean toward dressing androgynous and masculine is because I deal with/grown up with people infantalizing me, and with ignorant people thinking I had a mental disability upon first seeing me due to my physical disability. I feel like its a common experience for every disabled person, not everyone is being mean about it. Thats the thing.
That and well, my body type. Because I am more muscular than average. I notice theres barely any fitness people who wear coquette styled clothings and other whimsy soft feminine apparel. It makes you look bulky. At least from my experience.
With troons being a thing, it makes me feel even worse.

My question is, what would be good fashion for that body type? Does anyone have any pictures of women with a muscular build who adopts a soft feminine style akin to coquette or kidcore/playful cottagecore? Sorry for the Tumblr aesthetic terms, I dunno how else to describe it. Its not mature yet not immature. Its not bright but not dull.
I love soft pink and other soft colors, not a fan of saturation. But all I wear is masculine clothing because its all I know and feel comfortable wearing. I dunno if I just find those girls attractive (which I do) or if my insecurity in conjunction with my lack of fashion know-how for my body type gets in the way with my ability to dress like those women. I never see women with my body type wear that stuff. They usually stick to greens, blues, and blacks like I do. Clothes that arent super feminine either.
 
Hubelublub powiedział(a):
Fren, this sounds like a porn request.

What the fuck.
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What if it is?
1200px-Troonjak2.png
 
deermeat powiedział(a):
I'm starting to realize the reason I lean toward dressing androgynous and masculine is because I deal with/grown up with people infantalizing me, and with ignorant people thinking I had a mental disability upon first seeing me due to my physical disability. I feel like its a common experience for every disabled person, not everyone is being mean about it. Thats the thing.
That and well, my body type. Because I am more muscular than average. I notice theres barely any fitness people who wear coquette styled clothings and other whimsy soft feminine apparel. It makes you look bulky. At least from my experience.
With troons being a thing, it makes me feel even worse.

My question is, what would be good fashion for that body type? Does anyone have any pictures of women with a muscular build who adopts a soft feminine style akin to coquette or kidcore/playful cottagecore? Sorry for the Tumblr aesthetic terms, I dunno how else to describe it. Its not mature yet not immature. Its not bright but not dull.
I love soft pink and other soft colors, not a fan of saturation. But all I wear is masculine clothing because its all I know and feel comfortable wearing. I dunno if I just find those girls attractive (which I do) or if my insecurity in conjunction with my lack of fashion know-how for my body type gets in the way with my ability to dress like those women. I never see women with my body type wear that stuff. They usually stick to greens, blues, and blacks like I do. Clothes that arent super feminine either.
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This must be tiring. I am tired reading it. Wear wtf you wanna wear and if anybody doesnt like it, FUCK THOSE GUYS. Practice this philosophy to get better at it. Unless you're a troon, in which case your insecurities are perfect.
 
deermeat powiedział(a):
I'm starting to realize the reason I lean toward dressing androgynous and masculine is because I deal with/grown up with people infantalizing me, and with ignorant people thinking I had a mental disability upon first seeing me due to my physical disability. I feel like its a common experience for every disabled person, not everyone is being mean about it. Thats the thing.
That and well, my body type. Because I am more muscular than average. I notice theres barely any fitness people who wear coquette styled clothings and other whimsy soft feminine apparel. It makes you look bulky. At least from my experience.
With troons being a thing, it makes me feel even worse.

My question is, what would be good fashion for that body type? Does anyone have any pictures of women with a muscular build who adopts a soft feminine style akin to coquette or kidcore/playful cottagecore? Sorry for the Tumblr aesthetic terms, I dunno how else to describe it. Its not mature yet not immature. Its not bright but not dull.
I love soft pink and other soft colors, not a fan of saturation. But all I wear is masculine clothing because its all I know and feel comfortable wearing. I dunno if I just find those girls attractive (which I do) or if my insecurity in conjunction with my lack of fashion know-how for my body type gets in the way with my ability to dress like those women. I never see women with my body type wear that stuff. They usually stick to greens, blues, and blacks like I do. Clothes that arent super feminine either.
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Any woman can wear any color; don’t be silly. Dress how you want. But if you want some specific advice for what is flattering on different body shapes/types, it’s a google away (literally “dress for your body type” or “dress for your body type woman muscular”).

One site.

And here’s a Reddit post made just for you - maybe. Depends on what shape you actually have, and what you want to emphasize/ deemphasize, if anything.
 
deermeat powiedział(a):
I'm starting to realize the reason I lean toward dressing androgynous and masculine is because I deal with/grown up with people infantalizing me, and with ignorant people thinking I had a mental disability upon first seeing me due to my physical disability. I feel like its a common experience for every disabled person, not everyone is being mean about it. Thats the thing.
That and well, my body type. Because I am more muscular than average. I notice theres barely any fitness people who wear coquette styled clothings and other whimsy soft feminine apparel. It makes you look bulky. At least from my experience.
With troons being a thing, it makes me feel even worse.

My question is, what would be good fashion for that body type? Does anyone have any pictures of women with a muscular build who adopts a soft feminine style akin to coquette or kidcore/playful cottagecore? Sorry for the Tumblr aesthetic terms, I dunno how else to describe it. Its not mature yet not immature. Its not bright but not dull.
I love soft pink and other soft colors, not a fan of saturation. But all I wear is masculine clothing because its all I know and feel comfortable wearing. I dunno if I just find those girls attractive (which I do) or if my insecurity in conjunction with my lack of fashion know-how for my body type gets in the way with my ability to dress like those women. I never see women with my body type wear that stuff. They usually stick to greens, blues, and blacks like I do. Clothes that arent super feminine either.
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I think you're overcomplicating the fact that you like pastel colours. Just google athletic wear in those and you'll probably find what you're looking for.

If you're concerned over broad shoulders, pick necklines that are meant to balance your appearance. Here's a guide I just found that you might find useful:
 
ugh, i have a massive dilemma on my hands and i could really use some external opinions.

my best friend is getting married; and for a while now they've been fucking everyone about with a date, and where the location is even gonna be. today i got the formal invitation and its quite last min, and in fucking gibraltar at peak time in late may.

on the one hand, i want to support her and be there for her on her big day; marriage is HUGE and a big deal for her. on the other, it's going to be expensive, and i'm not sure i can just drop 500+ on flights, a hotel for the night and a dress and heels as well as letting work know last min that i'm fucking off for 2 days there. if i had had more of a heads up, i would have been able to say 'defo'.

mrnaptime (my bf) has also been invited, and he's going to have to fly in from the states and then from london to take another plane to gibraltar. we're both in a similar position of 'we want to go' but at this point, we've been fucked around and this is so last min that we're not sure if we can even budget it appropriately. i'd only be able to get the dress, flights, etc in early/mid may due to student finance. she's been such a good friend, and i want to love and support her, but i'm just not sure. i've asked to talk w him about this;; in terms of making a decision. we're not a monolith, and even if he decides not to go, i still might. i'm not sure.

this has been pissing us off, this lack of date, for over half a year, and now we have it and its in less than 2 months. it feels as if they don't really value our presence, but thats also because *they* didnt even know what the hell was happening. this whole thing has been planned so shoddily its insane. now things are booked, there's a date, a location, and now i'm just sort of frazzled about the whole thing. do i manage to pull a miracle out of my ass, rush last min to go on the biggest day of my friend's life, or do i just say that i can't make it and avoid the last min stress?

thoughts?? opinions?? please?? i beg.
 
missnaptime powiedział(a):
thoughts?? opinions?? please?? i beg.
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Are you sure your friend didn't deliberately fuck around with the date and location because they actually want to elope while avoiding the drama of telling everyone they're not invited? 🤔

Two months for a wedding is ridiculously short notice. Did every venue they booked before decided to cancel on them or something?
 
missnaptime powiedział(a):
thoughts?? opinions?? please?? i beg.
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Idk if Gibraltar is an extravagant choice for most of your friend’s family/friends, but if you can’t you can’t. Do they really expect everyone to fly out?

That said, wedding weekends/ trips are fun.

I guess I’d say try to put aside your irritation with your friend and do an evaluation of whether this makes sense for you. And your bf doesn’t have to go - also completely acceptable. (Personally, in your locations, I wouldn’t even ask a boyfriend from across the pond to go unless he particularly wanted to…but I don’t mind being solo at events.)

That said, $500 isn’t the hugest amount (though on re-reading maybe you meant $500+ for the flight, plus lodging, plus clothes*) - do you work while in school/ could you put aside any money in the two months?

* is it possible you have something you could wear already?

Is it a large wedding?

Wait - scratch all that - she is your best friend? I would go. Probably solo. But esp if it would be a pinch for your bf. And if there’s time I’d find some other interesting stuff to when you’re there - make the most of it!
 
missnaptime powiedział(a):
thoughts?? opinions?? please?? i beg.
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This is a tough situation, and you're not wrong for feeling stressed.

First of all, what the fuck. Two months notice for a destination wedding is retarded.

I think your bf is in a much easier position to say no, you're not married so his relationship to the bride is tangential at best. Lucky him.

You say she's your best friend. Are you in the wedding party as a bridesmaid or something similar? If not, are you sure she's a bestie?

If you don't go, you're going to feel badly about it. Accept that, and don't let the risk of feeling badly affect your decision making.

It sounds more like the issue is financing this trip, and the sentiment of being jerked around. Financing the trip isn't something she should help you with, and honestly, it's not her problem. It is a genuine problem for you though, and it is a justifiable reason for turning down an invitation without causing any hard feelings.
Being jerked around is something she could've helped you with, and while you can't use it as an explanation for not going, if she's not completely retarded she'll understand how her actions might have made friends less enthused about sacrificing time and funds to attend her day. If you want people to be there for you, don't make it hard for them to do so.

Keep in mind that if the planning is this shoddy, the day of may be equally clusterfucked. Weddings are supposed to be fun, but if you end up being pulled in to assist with event bullshit, or you have to deal with the lack of event planning, you're going to really resent the money and time you put out for this.

I have no idea what sort of wedding it is, but if they don't know the numbers 60 days out, how the fuck are they organising food and tables and chairs? Is it going to be a mess of too many people and too little food and drinks? Or are there only going to be a few people attending the reception and you have to make awkward conversation with her weird drunk uncle the whole night?

Friendship is more than a single day. If you can't attend for good reason, a real friendship will endure. And if it can't endure, you were just as well not going anyway.
 
Okay, so an update, and some clarification:

- I was in the bridal party as the maid of honour. That's why it was even doubly more of a shit show and I felt so shit about it.

- in terms of bf, he is also friends with bride and groom, although more so groom. It's how we met, actually!

- in terms of finances, the reason why I'm stressed is because I normally like to set aside money at least half a year/quarter before any such event comes up. I'm a student, and I work part time, but it doesn't pay me, it just gives me free rent. This takes up a lot of my time, and as such, the only money I really have to go off is studentbucks from sweet sweet gubbament and loan company.

- this wedding, as it was explained to me, was their 'legal get it done one'. Fwih, they're planning a bigger one in the US at a later date once this has filed. Either way, for me, it's a destination wedding.

- spoke to friend and explained concerns. Essentially they're happier the less people the better. The guest list is looking to be under 20 people. But at that point, instead of all this stress and if it's supposed to be just for legality purposes, shouldn't they just have eloped??

- I've said I'll make the one in the states at a later date: it's simply not feasible upon review of my finances and my schedule. I have finals to submit around the same time, a job to work, as well as moving back in from halls to my mom's, and THEN I have to help sort out getting onto subsidised housing and going to court for eviction. My mom hates paperwork and she won't do it, so I have to on her behalf.

- no hard feelings between me and best friend, hopefully gna live stream it? No idea. Will be recieving pics and vids. I feel so shitty about not being able to go, but it's quite literally out of my hands and if I had more warning, I would have. Ah well.

- if I'm honest, I hope she has a prenup. this wedding has basically been dictated by the fiancé and his family, she's had very little say on the date, on the location. Only that she wants to marry him. I just have a very 'hmmmmmm.' feeling. Fwiw, I *have* discussed my concerns, at length, with her, about the fiancé and family. I'm sure the parents are lovely people, but they're massive control freaks.
 
missnaptime powiedział(a):
if I'm honest, I hope she has a prenup. this wedding has basically been dictated by the fiancé and his family, she's had very little say on the date, on the location. Only that she wants to marry him. I just have a very 'hmmmmmm.' feeling. Fwiw, I *have* discussed my concerns, at length, with her, about the fiancé and family. I'm sure the parents are lovely people, but they're massive control freaks.
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That does seem incredibly odd to go overseas just for the legal part of the wedding.
 
missnaptime powiedział(a):
if it's supposed to be just for legality purposes, shouldn't they just have eloped?
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missnaptime powiedział(a):
I hope she has a prenup. this wedding has basically been dictated by the fiancé and his family, she's had very little say on the date, on the location. Only that she wants to marry him. I just have a very 'hmmmmmm.' feeling. Fwiw, I *have* discussed my concerns, at length, with her, about the fiancé and family. I'm sure the parents are lovely people, but they're massive control freaks
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Christ, this all sounds far too fucking invested in other people's lives.

Go to the wedding and enjoy it, or stay the fuck home and enjoy it. Why worry about judging whether she "should have" eloped, or her fiancé's parents are good enough for you?

Your life sounds like it's being complicated by worrying about other people's shit.
 
Hubelublub powiedział(a):
Christ, this all sounds far too fucking invested in other people's lives.

Go to the wedding and enjoy it, or stay the fuck home and enjoy it. Why worry about judging whether she "should have" eloped, or her fiancé's parents are good enough for you?
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i'm not 'too invested'; she's openly complained to me about the lack of agency she has when dealing with them. my stance is that its got nothing to do with me really, that i'm there to listen to her and support her in the capacity that i can, without exerting my boundaries. for the most part, i keep my opinions to myself. but if your best friend was complaining about not being able to pick anything for her own wedding - and then, not even being able to choose when or where its happening at last minute, bitched at you about the family she's marrying into and how controlling the whole thing was and how they wouldn't take her feelings into account, wouldn't you have some questions and concerns?

its her life to live, i'm not a backseat driver, i just care about her and want her to be happy :)
 
I dunno, judging by what you're saying I wouldn't be so worried about being there for the marriage when you should probably be saving up for the divorce...
 
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