Reflections
I woke up to pure darkness. As though I were trapped in an endless void. The only sound was my groan, until I heard a voice.
“Oh, good darling. You’re awake!”
“Ra..rity…?”
“Not quite. Merely a voice that you love to get your attention…for now.”
I looked around, realizing how futile it was. Still in pure darkness, I started to walk, not sure in the direction I was going or if I’d hit a cliff. That was when I ran into this mirror. I should have seen it sooner was it was the only thing that had any light shining on it. It was a very nice-looking mirror. Big, over seven feet tall, and at least painted gold. The mirror had various symbols that I could see—the sun, a bow and arrow in it, an owl and a celtic cross. No pattern to them but very ornate.
But what was reflected in it shocked me even more. Instead of my own reflection, there was a tall, well-muscled and not lacking in the curves department tigress with longish but braided hair. She stood wearing a white dress, with a high collar. It was very revealing. I knew exactly the inspiration for it.
“You’re missing the glaives, Tyrande.”
The tigress smirked and looked ready to laugh. I felt this feeling developing in me but I couldn’t explain it. It was disconcerting to not see my own reflection but there was something in the back of my mind trying to tell me something.
“No, not Tyrande. Though yes she is a major influence.”
“Eris, then?”
“Are you really comparing me to the goddess of strife?”
The tigress shook her head and sighed. She seemed to lean over on whatever wall was on the opposite side of the mirror. Her dress changed again. This time it was more of an 80s punk look. Boots and leggings underneath that. They were underneath a short but flowy skirt. I couldn’t see the shirt underneath, but the leather jacket had all kinds of buttons and patches. Her dark hair was now in a tight ponytail.
“There yinz go. Is that better?”
She gave a giggle that sounded more like a feminine chuckle. Her dark eyes stared at my own, a cockiness to them but a look of expectation in them too. I shook my head. It was hard to concentrate at this mirror. I reached out to touch it and she did the same.
“Getting it, finally?”
“If not Eris then obviously some other trickster…Loki perhaps? I did dabble with the Norse…or Hermes perhaps?”
She gave another laugh. It sent a chill down my spine. My analytical brain couldn’t understand what this was all about. I had been trying to shut off my emotional side for a while now, to shut myself off completely to the world. I thought I’d be better off like that. I just sighed and slumped.
“So, this is a dream then? My mind telling me that I shouldn’t turn off my emotions? That it’s okay to dream and feel? That even my mother can’t destroy my dreams and hopes?”
“Nae, lad, well lassie but we’ll get to that in a bit. I’m nae a dream... I nae be Hermes or Loki, I be...”
She leans forward, if that were possible in her mirrorverse. At this point I was both excited and nervous. I worried that she would come out of it and devour me. At this point, she stood tall and straight. Her muscles flexed without her really moving. She was back in the white warrior dress for a moment before switching again to something more Athenian. It was a red corset with gold adoring the breastplate, a gold and dark blue skirt and thigh highs in the same red.
“I’m your confidence, for lack of a better term. I’m every thought you’ve had of being a confident, proven person. Of being a warrior and standing up for yourself….”
She reached out again, this time as though to poke my nose. It wriggled even though it wasn’t touched. Looking back, I wished I had noticed my own physical transformation. It was like I had become her own physical mirror copy. At the time, I did not notice. Or rather, she wouldn’t let me notice.
“You call me Ace in your head, sweetie. Every time you’re alone, every time you play a video game or start a TTRPG or a story…that’s me. Your creative, confident side. I’m what you wish you were—right down to being a woman. You’re trans, kiddo. It’s time you admit it to yourself. You’ve been on hormones long enough”
I scoffed. I was forty years old. Being called kiddo didn’t make sense. But what she said did. I had had those feelings for years. Finally started to talk to a doctor about it. Even did start taking hormones. Thanks to a FTM wolf friend of mine even started to feel more at home in my own body.
“But…this makes no logical sense. Why am I being shown you? I’m my own person am I not?”
“of course, you are, but you’re changing and evolving. That’s why I’m reflecting now instead of a human form That’s why I’m...”
“You.”
I finished the word for him, as he no longer existed. He couldn’t. Not anymore. There’d be no funeral. No one really noticed that he was gone. No one, expect of course, for me. My memories are his memories, just in my own head a gorgeous woman, sometimes a tigress giggles, replaces him in all things.
Hello, world. I’m Ace. It’s nice to meet you. Now get ready to hear the tiger’s roar.
New story alert!!
