- Dołączono
- 12 Gru 2022
>Be a Vegas hooker
>Get called out to some guy's house
>Figure he just wants to snort coke and chase you around while you're covered in baby oil
>Knock on the door
>Voice on the other side slurs something incomprehensible
>Figure it's some drunk who wants to have old fat man sex with you
>Open the door
>See a Big Bird costume hanging from a coat rack
>There's a sign by the costume
>"Wear me"
>Put the Big Bird costume on
>Call out to the homeowner
>"I'm here, daddy!"
>See a man in his underwear duck walk out of a hallway
>Oh shit it's fucking Russ
>Remember the stories all the other girls heard about him
>He's wearing a baby bib and duck tails on his ass
>More words slur from his permanently open mouth
>"Heed nee!"
>You look confused
>"Heed nee!"
>He replies in a more demanding tone
>Now you figure this call's going to be a bunch of adult baby diaper stuff
>"Okay but just so you know, I ain't cleanin' no shitty diapers."
>Russ cranes his head back to make his permanently open mouth more pronounced
>See a tupperware container full of applesauce
>Pick it up
>Try pouring the applesauce into his mouth
>He angrily steps back
>He slurs again
>"You heed nee like a thathy third!"
>You politely ask him what the fuck he just said
>He repeats himself
>"You heed nee like a thathy third!"
>You suddenly realize what the Big Bird costume is for
>"I ain't feedin' you like no baby bird! No sir!"
>He gets up
>He starts chasing you
>Run like fuck out the front door
>Scream for help
>Neighbors look outside
>They see a man in his underwear chasing a woman in a Big Bird costume
>Police are called
>You and Russ are briefly detained
>Tell them you met Russ on Tinder
>They believe you because Russ is a gimpy faced retard who can't pronounce words correctly
>They let you go
>Go back to your pimp
>He smacks the dog shit out of you the moment he sees you
>Ask him why he hit you
>He tosses you the paperwork
>Russ is suing you and your pimp for discriminating against him via the Americans with Disabilities Act
>You go to court
>Get an ultra-progressive judge
>Judge declares that sex work is real work
>And therefore is subject to the ADA
>Judge finds in favor of Russ
>You are now legally obligated to dribble food out of your open mouth and into Russ's
>And your pimp has to make you do it for free until all the damages are paid for
>Get called out to some guy's house
>Figure he just wants to snort coke and chase you around while you're covered in baby oil
>Knock on the door
>Voice on the other side slurs something incomprehensible
>Figure it's some drunk who wants to have old fat man sex with you
>Open the door
>See a Big Bird costume hanging from a coat rack
>There's a sign by the costume
>"Wear me"
>Put the Big Bird costume on
>Call out to the homeowner
>"I'm here, daddy!"
>See a man in his underwear duck walk out of a hallway
>Oh shit it's fucking Russ
>Remember the stories all the other girls heard about him
>He's wearing a baby bib and duck tails on his ass
>More words slur from his permanently open mouth
>"Heed nee!"
>You look confused
>"Heed nee!"
>He replies in a more demanding tone
>Now you figure this call's going to be a bunch of adult baby diaper stuff
>"Okay but just so you know, I ain't cleanin' no shitty diapers."
>Russ cranes his head back to make his permanently open mouth more pronounced
>See a tupperware container full of applesauce
>Pick it up
>Try pouring the applesauce into his mouth
>He angrily steps back
>He slurs again
>"You heed nee like a thathy third!"
>You politely ask him what the fuck he just said
>He repeats himself
>"You heed nee like a thathy third!"
>You suddenly realize what the Big Bird costume is for
>"I ain't feedin' you like no baby bird! No sir!"
>He gets up
>He starts chasing you
>Run like fuck out the front door
>Scream for help
>Neighbors look outside
>They see a man in his underwear chasing a woman in a Big Bird costume
>Police are called
>You and Russ are briefly detained
>Tell them you met Russ on Tinder
>They believe you because Russ is a gimpy faced retard who can't pronounce words correctly
>They let you go
>Go back to your pimp
>He smacks the dog shit out of you the moment he sees you
>Ask him why he hit you
>He tosses you the paperwork
>Russ is suing you and your pimp for discriminating against him via the Americans with Disabilities Act
>You go to court
>Get an ultra-progressive judge
>Judge declares that sex work is real work
>And therefore is subject to the ADA
>Judge finds in favor of Russ
>You are now legally obligated to dribble food out of your open mouth and into Russ's
>And your pimp has to make you do it for free until all the damages are paid for
Such prejudice; you gonna take that lying down, Russ?!
