An instructive extract is the following, which I've color-coded.
"
I'd just like to apologize to any member of the Asian community who has misunderstood me or misinterpreted me or thought maybe I was a little bit too obsessed with Jimin. Now my latest obsession is Rosé from BlackPink but I'm trying to control that. But I just want to apologise to anyone in the Asian community that may have misinterpreted me. I have no bad intentions. I love Korea with such a passion you guys have no idea." (from 8:36 in the apology video).
Psychoanalyst Philip Bromberg popularized the term
self-states to talk about how, since our identities are rather fluid, we can occupy distinct “modes of being” in response to particular situations or feelings or positions. I think we can observe at least three different self-states going on for Oli here.
(i) A position of taking responsibility: This is the part of Oli that kor feels is closest to 'me', it's ean's most functional day-to-day persona and is the part ean's therapist is trying to help ean develop. Kor is
trying to apologise and take responsibility (and probably feels like that it was kor is doing) but this part of ean isn't strong enough yet to avoid being overwhelmed by defenses aimed at holding together ean's damaged psyche.
(ii) A narcissistic defense: Here, Oli literally negates ean's own apology and displays a jarring lack of insight and perspective-taking. Part of kor is unwilling to let ean see how ean's behavior might appear to others, probably because it threatens the very thin identity that Oli has which is predicated on being liked, admired, seen as good, etc. It's like, even
if Oli hurt people it was only because they "misunderstood" or "misinterpreted" ean. "I have no bad intentions" is just such a classic line here - if you've ever had the misfortune to hang around Cluster Bs you've probably heard it. It's as if Oli's intentions count for more than whatever happens in the world as a result of Oli's actions, as if "good intentions" excuse ean. If people can't see kor had "good intentions", it is their fault for "misinterpreting" Oli. Note, not ean's
behavior but "misinterpreting" his very identity
.
(ii) The obsessive defense: Almost like a someone with Tourette's, these just are thrown into Oli's speech stream. I think they seem to occur more frequently where the topic is ego-threatening or anxiety-inducing, where the lack of coherent self or identity crisis might risk being
felt. That is, they're a defense against Oli getting to the real root of the trauma. They're probably the part that is most effective to work with and challenge in therapy, but getting beyond that into actually feeling the identity crisis will be tough on Oli.