how to break up with someone? - preferably gently

[Ratboy Genius]

asking for a friend

 

[Stabmaster Arson]

Just slip out the back, Jack.
Make a new plan, Stan.

 

[Caddchef]

Fake your own death.

 

[The Real Me]

Make threatening letters and mail them to yourself and slowly start looking more dishevelled. Eventually she’ll notice the opened and visable letters next to several unopened ones on the countertop. She’ll ask about them and you’ll tell her that it’s too dangerous, she can’t get involved with the people you’re involved with. You are sorry but it’s to protect her. Move to another state, change your name and break contact.

 

[MuuMuu Bunnylips]

Shoot them. It's either them or you.

 

[Lathe]

With a hammer. Just so you can hammer the point home.

 

[Fascist Frederick]

get caught cheating and make them break up with you.

 

[DumbDude42]

depends on the situation and on the reason for the breakup
do you live together or not, how close are your lives interlinked, do you have overlapping circles of friends, etc

 

[Amphotericin B]

If you think they could pull some cluster B shit, do it in public or someplace with security cameras.

 

[HyperboreanRightsActivist]

Make a false rape allegation

If you win, you get money, if you lose, at least you won't have to deal with your ex anymore

 

[OrionBalls]

Don't. Just stay miserable forever. It's easier that way.

 

[Alligator Alcatraz]

Confront them in person, tell them why the relationship does not excite you anymore, and say you will be breaking up with them.

 

[Flatline]

Do it over text.

 

[Feefee81093]

I bought my ex a monster and some candy which made him think I was just being a good girlfriend and thinking of him and not softening a blow to his heart. He then proceeded to drum his hands against my bed screaming no over and over again.

 

[The Real Me]

I bought my ex a monster and some candy which made him think I was just being a good girlfriend and thinking of him and not softening a blow to his heart. He then proceeded to drum his hands against my bed screaming no over and over again.

You did all you could.