A Kiwi Farms game of FATAL: Abandon all hope, ye who enter here

I'm going to go into a lot of detail with the rules because the logic behind what's happening is fucking hilarious.
Also, the character generator neglected to give us skills, but since it's the official FATAL character generator, I suppose I have no choice but to assume that's intentional and breathe a sigh of relief since it greatly simplifies things. You'll be able to buy skills if you want to for some reason after this battle.

Amsia the underage kobold butterface whore will circle around the perimeter of the inn trying to get behind these fucking LOLCOWS but won't take any aggressive action herself on the first round and will evade anyone approaching her.
Ok, I can't find any official way to check for sneaking around, because these dumbshits apparently thought that knowing how good you are making dice or gloves or pissing (that's an actual ingame skill) was more important than a fucking sneaking skill, so I'll just check your Dexterity: Agility skill (107), which gives you a modifier of +6, then add that to a roll of 3d6, which gets you 15. The difficulty is 20 (I have no basis for this, none is provided,) so you pass and are unnoticed.

Glaukon the child gladiator attempts to light and throw one of his wicked oil bottles (molotov cocktails) at the cripple behind the table before readying his oversized maul.
Alright, you hit with it. Being hit with a glass bottle does 12 damage to him. Then it lights him on fire, doing 1 more damage. He now has 13 LP (read: HP) left. Suprisingly, I don't see rules for fucking up readying a maul, so that succeeds I guess.

Osber throws the jar of urine at the wizard, then charges him with his axe.

Alright, your initial roll hits him (you got a 12) but your skill bonus is -17, and you need a 10 to hit him, so the bottle hits the ground harmlessly. Running in a straight line across open ground is probably something like -50 needed to succeed, so although it's possible for a character to be so bad that they fuck that up, you auto-succeed. Jumping over the table is a 10 and you roll a 12. You get -3 on Agility, so you fail by 1. You fall on your ass and are now sitting down, but Kylie can't see you, so he can't target you with any spells that require line of sight, but he knows you're there.

I tell the other members to get to the wizard while I keep ADF busy. I run at him, draw my battle ax and swing.

You auto-suceed on your sprint across open ground and ready your battle axe. You roll a 23. You get a -50 skill penalty to hitting something with a fucking axe and miss.

Gregek Kuruhuluret starts a running charge at the wizard and attempts to hit him in the torso with his morningstar before he fires off any spells.

I'm assuming that you're trying to hit him from the other side of the table, right?
You hit Kylie! You hit him in the legs and get a critical hit, permanently disabling one of his legs. How useful. Normally, critical hits can really fuck people up in FATAL and they occur all the fucking time, but in this case, it's not really worth it. You do roll 20 damage however, so he dies. His childish crippling spell dissipates.

Sybil Sewell uses the distraction to indulge her pyromaniac tendencies, she pours her oil flask out onto the bar and attempts to light if with her flint and knife.
Ok, now the bar is on fire. That takes up your turn. (They're only 3 seconds long.)
 
Sounds like ppl need to adjust their fulcrums if they're getting -50's to hit.
No, the official character generator just doesn't include any skills at all in character sheets, but it's official, and I did promise you guys I'd follow the rules for the true FATAL experience. Now that I've found where it tells you about how many skills people are supposed to get by default, I'll dole out skill points after this combat.
Only FATAL would ship with a defective character generator that also clearly violates Microsoft's liscense.
 
No, the official character generator just doesn't include any skills at all in character sheets, but it's official, and I did promise you guys I'd follow the rules for the true FATAL experience. Now that I've found where it tells you about how many skills people are supposed to get by default, I'll dole out skill points after this combat.
Only FATAL would ship with a defective character generator that also clearly violates Microsoft's liscense.

I rolled manually so despite being a tiny kobold whore my skills are all calculated and I might have an advantage on these suckers. But either way, on all non-stabbing weapons you're supposed to pick a fulcrum point on the weapon to swing from, sacrificing centrifugal velocity for ease of control. Weaker characters and heavier weapons require a fulcrum point closer to the blade/head to have any chance of hitting.
 
ADF stabs @ColorfulCassowary in the torso with his knife and does 2 points of damage after his armor is taken into account.

Turn's over, you may post your next move now.
I rolled manually so despite being a tiny kobold whore my skills are all calculated and I might have an advantage on these suckers. But either way, on all non-stabbing weapons you're supposed to pick a fulcrum point on the weapon to swing from, sacrificing centrifugal velocity for ease of control. Weaker characters and heavier weapons require a fulcrum point closer to the blade/head to have any chance of hitting.
Even Riddle of Steel wasn't this autistic.

Anyways, homework for everyone except Dynastia: Look at Dynastia's character sheet and determine/buy your skills. You don't have to do this right away, but it would probably be good if you did it before your next combat so that I don't keep having to roll your against your attributes, which will just result in more and more failed rolls. If anyone doesn't want to do it, that's fine, I'll just keep on rolling against your attributes instead. After all, the official FATAL character generator said it's true, and I would never break the rules, would I?

Also, from now on I guess we'll have to apply that fucking fulcrum point rule for all non-stabbing weapon, so if you're using a non stabbing weapon, you should include that.

I'm probably not going to post again in this thread until tomorrow afternoon, but you're all welcome to go ahead and make new moves now.
 
Ambsia scampers to the innkeeper pimp and searches him for a useable weapon.
 
I attempt to walk to him, trying to sneak up on him.



I love that I have to attempt to walk.

Middle aged guys shouldn't have battleaxes, should they?
Use this as my turn..


FUCK MY SHIT UP MAN
Edit:

Fucking, uh...grip it more to the top?

Edit Edit:

No idea what to do with the "homework" thing, but my character is going pretty well. Explanation?
 
I was eating supper and I'm late oops

Ass-Smasher, the voluge-wielding ogre, looks at the strange, foul-smelling man in complete confusion. He just stands there, not entirely sure what is going on, but somebody is dead and the place is on fire. Sounds like a party. Slowly, and carefully, he walks over towards this ADF figure, unsure how a potato managed to get inside.
 
Ostatnio edytowane:
Gregek Kuruhuluret turns, charges at ADF and attempts to strike him with his Morningstar.

[Fulcrum point at 60, I guess?]
 
Ostatnio edytowane:
I was eating supper and I'm late oops

Ass-Smasher, the voluge-wielding ogre, looks at the strange, foul-smelling man in complete confusion. He just stands there, not entirely sure what is going on but accepting that there is a man currently on fire. He's seen weirder stuff - his name is Ass-Smasher, after all.
Oh shit, sorry man. I thought you had submitted I didn't mean to skip you.
But Kylie was the one who was on fire. He's dead now. Being hit with a glass bottle did like 8x more damage than being lit on fucking fire did to him.
 
Anyways, homework for everyone except Dynastia: Look at Dynastia's character sheet and determine/buy your skills. You don't have to do this right away, but it would probably be good if you did it before your next combat so that I don't keep having to roll your against your attributes, which will just result in more and more failed rolls. If anyone doesn't want to do it, that's fine, I'll just keep on rolling against your attributes instead. After all, the official FATAL character generator said it's true, and I would never break the rules, would I?
I seem to have skills from that time Dynastia seriously tried to set this up.

Having successfully lit the bar on fire, Sybil moves to engage the closest foe in brawling.
 
Meat Sticks, have you considered linking to the relevant pages for the skills?
 
Skills start on page 315 of the book.
You need to be sure that you have the version of the book called "From Another Time, Another Land". If it says "Fantasy Adventure to Adult Lechery", you have the leaked review copy of the book, which is more fucked up in some places, but incomplete in others. It's even less playable.
 
Skills start on page 315 of the book.
You need to be sure that you have the version of the book called "From Another Time, Another Land". If it says "Fantasy Adventure to Adult Lechery", you have the leaked review copy of the book, which is more fucked up in some places, but incomplete in others. It's even less playable.

Shit I used that one for my items I think.
 
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