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"Disgusting skeleton-ogre came around my house today claiming to be running for Congress, immediately started pressing his face against my crotch...

I thought he was actually using mouthwash on himself. Like, using it six times a day. I'm like, "Do you stuff your fingers in your mouth that...

Hey, I did this one thing and another seemingly unrelated thing didn't happen, therefore the first must prevent the second! SCIENCE! What...