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💼 CareercowJack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental
Fast food kills slowly, though, as we're all witnessing. I meant that if Tammy's getting restless, she has Jack's swallowing difficulty to target. It's more elegant to clog his arteries with cheeseburgers over the course of years, but he just keeps limping along with more and more dead sectors in his brain. Give him airway-sized pieces of meat to inhale and she could be selling off the smokers by the weekend.
Tammy could probably get away with sneaking a viagra into Jack's daily bucket of pills he never talks about requiring to live. Imagine it causing a priapism in that dead arm of his; so he strokes out and dies giving a nazi salute.
Yeah but the only way she'd convince him to eat mochi, would be to somehow make it cheese flavored. As vile as that sounds, it would appeal to fatty however he'd probably wave it off as not being worth his time due to lack of gud meat.
He'd need to get more basic than that even. How to work a stove top. How to use a knife properly. How to use measuring cups. Jack has as much cooking knowledge as a two year old.
So…what you’re saying is that such a series is beyond him at this point? No way he can do this as a one-arm southpaw.
Hell, even using measuring cups properly requires two hands- when measuring dry ingredients, overfill the cup before tapping a butter knife on the sides several times, then level it off.
He’d probably fuck this up by demanding that Tammy buy a $2,500 Thermador Star Sapphire® dishwasher for the in-law suite studio, and try to cook the lobster in it as if he were cleaning a baseball cap (yes, that’s a thing).
While they are at it and since Jr. can't keep a job for more than six months at a time, sell his house and have them move into the fart mansion. They could easily move into that mother-in-law suite that Jack calls a studio. There's plenty of room for all of them under one roof.
The big question here is whether or not Jack would render his son/DIL/grandchild homeless because he’s too greedy and vain to give up his “studio.” Like Dale Doback being unwilling to give up his office/beat laboratory in 2008’s Step Brothers, Jack insists that the only choices are the shelter, or for all five of them to split the master suite.
Remember, Jack’s proven with Garrett that he has no qualms about kicking his own flesh in blood to the streets.
Feels like it's time for a nice little blast from the past, witness the video made directly straddling the most significant health event in Jack's blighted life so far, the Armkiller Stroke, originally brought to our attention courtesy of our man @Pig Cups . He's been steadily degrading ever since and the follow-up stroke of 2023 didn't help matters, nor will the inevitable fourthfifth sixth event yet to come, but these are the very last seconds of Jack's glory days.
Perhaps, but Chef Jacques Poopin can't kick shit anymore. He needs a boost just to get into Tammy's bed for their bicentennial play-pretend sleep together. He'd trip over a 0.5 degree incline his charbroiled brain is so many time zones behind his own ass.
If Jack fancies it a studio he's certainly doing fuck all with it. He could have achieved a comparably equal/better result by just propping up his phone. He could at least put up some LED custom job saying "Cooking with Jack!" or something in the background. Small timers are doing this with their videos, why can't you, Jack?
I hate this country sometimes dude. I really, really do. ISIS was right
Jack doesn't comment on this ridiculous 1st world lazy because he is precisely the type of fat, immobile, inbred mutt that would use this daily.
“Honestly, that’s why I think 9/11 happened. They got satellite TV, and started seeing our TV commercials. And they saw these fuckin’ husbands…eating a taco inside of another fucking taco…and the DirecTV guy’s hooking it up and saying ‘I’m giving you all sports,’ and the guy says ‘I love you!’ And the fuckin’ Arabs are watching this going ‘I’ll invade these fat faggots. Who’s afraid of those guys?’”
-Louis CK, on the disappointment that is the modern American husband.
Just now, I’m realizing how well Jack fits into that description from a routine that I thought I’d long forgotten.
Fast food kills slowly, though, as we're all witnessing. I meant that if Tammy's getting restless, she has Jack's swallowing difficulty to target. It's more elegant to clog his arteries with cheeseburgers over the course of years, but he just keeps limping along with more and more dead sectors in his brain. Give him airway-sized pieces of meat to inhale and she could be selling off the smokers by the weekend.
Tammy transitioning from killing him in a slow-burn fashion to something quicker would be like the scene from the South Park episode where Randy Marsh gives himself cancer to score medical marijuana.
As in, after being disappointed upon finding out that it would take years for processed foods to give him the disease, he opts for microwaving his nutsack instead.
Feels like it's time for a nice little blast from the past, witness the video made directly straddling the most significant health event in Jack's blighted life so far, the Armkiller Stroke, originally brought to our attention courtesy of our man @Pig Cups .
The major give-away for me was the T-shirt and the lighting, as I had seen this video first:
The coffee sock video was uploaded the day before this^ one, and I saw it sometime after. But, he clearly did filming for both on the same day. What a weird Eureka! moment that was..
Jack's opinions are always shit because they have no basis in reality. Like, for his review of Shogun from a couple years ago, he said it was relatively free of violence when in the first episode alone there was on-screen suicide, decapitation, and boiling of people alive. A future take of his could be calling grass red and the sky yellow with a completely straight (alright, half droopy) face.
I cant believe Jack watched Shogun. It gives the political intrigue of 2010 Three Kingdoms a run for its money. He probably just grunted himself awake for the fight scenes.
I cant believe Jack watched Shogun. It gives the political intrigue of 2010 Three Kingdoms a run for its money. He probably just grunted himself awake for the fight scenes.
There's no way he was actually able to follow the story. At least half of it was in Japanese, and he doesn't have the intelligence, patience, or eyesight to read subtitles.
I cant believe Jack watched Shogun. It gives the political intrigue of 2010 Three Kingdoms a run for its money. He probably just grunted himself awake for the fight scenes.
But remember, dere was no biolence. I'll tell you that he definitely grunted himself awake for any of the scenes where Cosmo Jarvis or any of the other male characters were naked.
Wait is that literally a seatbelt extender in the truck he's selling? I've never seen one before but that's what it appears to be, right? How fucking fat do you have to be to need one of those, I would imagine if you needed one you probably wouldn't be able to fit in the seat at all, right? Car seatbelts stretch out insanely far.
While they are at it and since Jr. can't keep a job for more than six months at a time, sell his house and have them move into the fart mansion. They could easily move into that mother-in-law suite that Jack calls a studio. There's plenty of room for all of them under one roof.
Smarter thing to do would maybe be to rent out the other house that the kids are living in. I don't know how much demand there might be for rent houses where they live though.
Wait is that literally a seatbelt extender in the truck he's selling? I've never seen one before but that's what it appears to be, right? How fucking fat do you have to be to need one of those, I would imagine if you needed one you probably wouldn't be able to fit in the seat at all, right? Car seatbelts stretch out insanely far.
It is indeed, on the passenger side, which is certainly Jack's side despite all the time he flipped his video in a pathetic attempt to seem like he was driving himself to his Fat on the Go locations. Remember though, Jack might be a tiny manlet height-wise, but inch for inch his diameter is certainly more than his scabies-ridden bald head is from the ground.
It is indeed, on the passenger side, which is certainly Jack's side despite all the time he flipped his video in a pathetic attempt to seem like he was driving himself to his Fat on the Go locations. Remember though, Jack might be a tiny manlet height-wise, but inch for inch his diameter is certainly more than his scabies-ridden bald head is from the ground.
I'm thinking more like a snowman. No functional legs, smooth, bulbous body & head, tiny arms, hands crippled by God into a permanently fixed expression.
Wait is that literally a seatbelt extender in the truck he's selling? I've never seen one before but that's what it appears to be, right? How fucking fat do you have to be to need one of those, I would imagine if you needed one you probably wouldn't be able to fit in the seat at all, right? Car seatbelts stretch out insanely far.
You're not thinking three dimensionally fat enough. The problem isn't necessarily that the seatbelt can't stretch far enough. The problem is that he can't get to the other end of the seatbelt where it clips in, because it's completely under his fatass and the extender raises it so he has access.
You're not thinking three dimensionally fat enough. The problem isn't necessarily that the seatbelt can't stretch far enough. The problem is that he can't get to the other end of the seatbelt where it clips in, because it's completely under his fatass and the extender raises it so he has access.
Also the pic only shows one extender. Those were Jack's skinny days. He's been riding around with at least 3 extenders daisy-chained together since the Profile by Sanford diet.
Also the pic only shows one extender. Those were Jack's skinny days. He's been riding around with at least 3 extenders daisy-chained together since the Profile by Sanford diet.
You're not thinking three dimensionally fat enough. The problem isn't necessarily that the seatbelt can't stretch far enough. The problem is that he can't get to the other end of the seatbelt where it clips in, because it's completely under his fatass and the extender raises it so he has access.
Ah, now that makes total sense. I know Jack is fat but I was thinking you'd probably need to be like, Amberlynn Reid size for the seatbelt not to be long enough in a car. I'm not exactly super slender but I have never been in a car seatbelt that wouldn't have still had several feet of slack to work with after buckling myself in.
Jack has finally turned on Daddy Trump for foiling Tammy's scheme to refinance their excessive real estate purchases at a lower interest rate. It's hard to tell because he can't express himself well, but it sounds like he is calling for a military coup. He also makes a statement that might get him a second visit from his "fans" in the Secret Service.
