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Patrick wouldn't be able to out run a grazing Brachiosaurus. Why would they even have him there? He has no trade skills, he can't lift. To try out...

"No, child, you didn't say the magic word"

I don't know what it is, this is simple and silly, but fucking my sides holy shit - I wasn't expecting it and lost it. That's where you're wrong...

He'd try to turn Ray Arnold into pepperoni.

Seeing as Chichton hated the gays I can't imagine somebody like Patrick could exist within his works on a fundamental level. He'd be worse than...