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To be entirely honest, what's currently bothering me is the writing style. She's writing this in a colloquial speech pattern manner, like you...

This isn't a fanfiction, fanfictions are written in third or first person and aren't less than 2 paragraphs. This really is Rortard just...

Good lord this is the least titillating thing I've read. It flows poorly and 'honkers' is the last thing you should be using for breasts.