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I can only imagine the crime scene that would result from Pat trying to pull off a charcuterie board. He’d have pepperoni (of course), watery ham...

Yeah, it's not a terrible list anyway, even though he got there in the dumbest way possible. Mozzarella is not a terrible base for lots of...

He has Jack Scalfani levels of food plebbery. "ME LIKE CHEEZ GUD," shoots spray cheese directly into mouth from can.