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Breadbassket

BREAKING: Satanic idol at Iowa State Capitol BEHEADED by Christian veteran

Here is what a potential sentence for fourth-degree criminal mischief in Iowa could look like:
Pentex

BREAKING: Satanic idol at Iowa State Capitol BEHEADED by Christian veteran

"Relax bros. It's, like, just property, bro. Elevate your consciousness and don't be so materialistic, bro." Deus vult, you magnificent xtian.
Thomas Talus

BREAKING: Satanic idol at Iowa State Capitol BEHEADED by Christian veteran

They probably wouldn't have put up an altar in the Capitol, but he might want to take a look at who the members of the Hellfire Club were.
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