🪦 Deceased Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka - Deadbeat (emphasis on "Dead") founder of Something Awful, forced out of his own community, on his second divorce, stuck his dick in crazy, "Birth Giver"

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Something Awful powiedział(a):
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1) Lowtax feels so entitled to that Patreon money. Buh buh, it keeps dropping. :'( He literally does not understand that it's charity out of pity, he thinks he somehow deserves it for his videos (or maybe just for being a quality person). Hilarious.

2) More exceptional strawmanning about how he did not literally beat his wife and child. Eat shit, Lowtax.
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Lol, "...You seem to forget that the entire reason I left the forums was..." oh just shut the fuck up. When regular people walk off their jobs, they're fired. They shouldn't even expect references for other jobs. There is absolutely no validity in his insistence he was 'run out of his own forums', or that it's the other mod/admins' solitary or collective faults that any particular subforum went haywire, or that the whole culture of SA is a fucked up shadow of the '99-'02 golden age.

The whole fucking site, is his fucking job. It's keeping him fed, sheltered, clothed and your utilities paid. It's keeping him in booze and prescription drugs. He has a 24/7 stake in SA's general well-being, 100% of its lifetime as such, whether or not his damaged logical faculties concoct fallacious personal narratives to the contrary. SA and the Patreon account are the things shielding him from an entry level cold-caller position at a credit collection agency; a bitch needs to show some personal accountability.

As if years of his histrionic response to mangosteen jokes weren't enough to show how brittle his ego is, how thin his skin is, I struggle to think of a way he could out himself as even more of a bitchmade pissbaby than that first paragraph in the screenshot. Abloobloobloo they made fun of the front page! Abandoning the place for months at a time while drawing a livelihood from it, is not a proportionate, professional or responsible reaction. Sure, he would come back to and browse around for some more mentally damaged but promiscuous pussy whenever he was bored with whatever he was currently fucking. Or, go on a ban-storm to generate some on-the-spot revenue to finance the next divorce. Lowtax only returns to the forums to either get fucked, or because he's about to get fucked. But it's hard to call any of that, 'participation' so much as transparent exploitation.

The most emphatically ridiculous complaint he makes, is the criticism put on him that his forums are funny and thriving in spite of him, as opposed to because of him. That isn't a criticism so much as an *objectively observed truth of the situation*. He's gone for months at a time over the years! He throws excuses out like 'getting run off my own forums,' as if any of the justifications he has for abandoning forums that pay his fucking bills and keep his looming sobriety and by proxy adult sense of responsibility at bay, have any merit. The forums, in their current state, are absolutely in spite of him. If the site doesn't shrivel to either closure or sellout over the next year or so after this current shitshow of deranged pathos out of him, SA's tagline of 'The Internet makes you stupid' needs to be changed to 'Still kicking in spite of the site owner.'

The insistence that he's not abusive because he's 'never assaulted a single person in his life', is foolish and doesn't settle the discussion. You don't have to hit someone or physically interact with them to be abusive; it's tyool 2020 and everybody knows this. The dude's a fucking idiot but there's no way possible anyone could accept the idea that he doesn't know what psychological abuse is. The dude's a fucking idiot though, for carrying on like psychological abuse couldn't possibly be on the table. That ban message from last week I had quoted had the exact same problem; it feels weird and gaslighty at this point with this post.

Dude can keep going on about shit being a 'weird, overwhelming clusterfuck,' but he has absolutely no ground in claiming he didn't set himself up for a fall, that he's just some innocent, goofy, well-meaning dude that doesn't deserve any of the current conditions he's experiencing.
 
Back me up! powiedział(a):
When in doubt assume laziness: Lowtax is probably not funneling the funds through a LLC and instead straight to his bank account. If it was a LLC it would still need payroll taxes, etc but its not straight raw income.
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Something Awful itself is an LLC, but who knows where he directs his non-SA income.
 
Something Awful powiedział(a):
With the Patreon, he is trying to recapture the lightning by focusing on the new web 2.0 hotness: streaming. He initially positioned his Patreon purely as an outlet for his "Gaming Garbage" content (videos of him playing bad games and presumably drunkenly ranting about them, idk I never watched it).
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They're really bad. Seriously, the only good part is when he's melting down and going completely insane while his Patreon is visibly dropping like a stone during the stream, and he's chimping out about it on stream.
 
AnOminous powiedział(a):
They're really bad. Seriously, the only good part is when he's melting down and going completely insane while his Patreon is visibly dropping like a stone during the stream, and he's chimping out about it on stream.
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They’re just not fun, yeah. The games he plays are terrible, and not in a “so bad it’s funny” way like Deadly Premonition or Sonic 2006 or YIIK. They’re just genuinely painful and unfun to watch, nevermind play. Lowtax isn’t terribly funny either, and he’s working solo now since he drove off his co-hosts Shmorky and then not-Shmorky.

If you look at people like Criken or GrayStillPlays, they tend to show off either something relatively mainstream to do funny or stupid bits in, or something niche and strange but not genuinely unpleasant like what Lowtax decides to go with. Even Darksydephil is more entertaining than Gaming Garbage, because it’s funnier to watch a moron play good games badly than it is to watch a moron fumble his way through something indecipherable.
 
Humble Shitpost Merchant powiedział(a):
They’re just not fun, yeah. The games he plays are terrible, and not in a “so bad it’s funny” way like Deadly Premonition or Sonic 2006 or YIIK. They’re just genuinely painful and unfun to watch, nevermind play. Lowtax isn’t terribly funny either, and he’s working solo now since he drove off his co-hosts Shmorky and then not-Shmorky.

If you look at people like Criken or GrayStillPlays, they tend to show off either something relatively mainstream to do funny or stupid bits in, or something niche and strange but not genuinely unpleasant like what Lowtax decides to go with. Even Darksydephil is more entertaining than Gaming Garbage, because it’s funnier to watch a moron play good games badly than it is to watch a moron fumble his way through something indecipherable.
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I think you hit the nail on the head. Aside from being really fucking unfunny, he isn't catering to any sort of game niche. Its all weird ass indie games, or crap that everyone has already panned. While he'd still be unfunny and horrible its likely he'd draw more of a crowd if he did what you (rightly) pointed out DSP does.

Look all this free marketing advice.
 
Tanner Glass powiedział(a):
Even if we took Logan Day at face value (ex - not his new girlfriend, but an actual brand manager). On what fucking planet do you think that anyone invests in SomethingAwful.com considering the two full decades of bad optics associated with it ("Your poision womb", the piracy and porn subforums, the shooter, the drama, the site full of jokes you can't make in 2020, FYAD being closed for being too racist) instead of investing in literally anything else. It's a website with no business plan, no paid staff, and a gigantic lack of leadership.

If you were a businessperson and looked at SA from a business perspective - SomethingAwful (near it's peak) was alleged to be making $500,000/year, possibly more. Meaning that Lowtax wasted millions of dollars and has nothing to show for it (not even modern forum software) but somehow we're expected to look past that and invest in SA? The website pays for itself and Lowtax is paid $10,000/month on top of that but they still can't make a profit, what is investing expected to help the site achieve? Is she really going to take this to investors with a straight face - She's going to ask investors to invest in a website that consists of a few articles, a remarkably outdate message board full of anti-ad and communist leaning users, with the world's biggest financial liability in @Lowtax at the helm - who of course has a costly divorce coming up that he looks to be handling really well right now.

Even if we took that at face value (that SA will get investor money) - where could they possibly put it? They can invest in front page articles, but most article based websites are fucking dying by the hundreds (Vice, Kotaku, any newspaper, etc) so why would any think that's a good plan - to literally invest in a dying medium? Or even if they shift to hosted video content (you know, all content generated in the last decade) - every video site that isn't YouTube.com struggles immensely and suddenly dies, is that going to be their focus moving forward?

Honestly - I don't see a viable plan for them to move forward and I'd be shocked if anyone with significant investment capitol could see one either, unless it's a top to bottom rebrand that does not include @Lowtax - even then why not just start something new? SomethingAwful.com is not a name you really want to be associated with.

EDIT - I'd rather fucking invest in stormfront, at least they make content that you don't really find a lot of places.
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If Bogan was an actual serious business woman she’d see the biggest problem with the site is it’s founder. Instead of sucking his dick and telling him they can rebrand around his GG stream and front page, she’d tell him he needs to get lost and turn over the reigns to a capable manager.

Creators being bad at managing the business they founded is pretty common, and Lowtax is a great example of this. He was too greedy to find and pay able manager(s) and instead decide to put his business in the hands of looney rejects that made being unpaid forum janitors their crowing achievement in life. His ego was also too big to admit that the community he created had all the talent, nobody cared about his comedy writing. Lowtax insisting SA be for his personal fame and piggy bank, instead of a platform for many could benefit from if they contributed, was toxic.

The large majority of ppl who ever posted on SA left and the site has been in free fall for years. All the people who made SA wildly Funny and relevant left years ago, and now the forum has been taken over by a bunch of sad sacks who think it should be a safe space for troons and ppl collecting welfare to talk about communism and girl dicks in an echo chamber. They killed the comedy long ago.

There are more veteran goons (pre-2012) reading or posting on KF than there are at SA now. Most brand managers would want to know exactly why the “brand” lost the majority of its best members and the reasons they abandoned ship. But Bogan would rather go into the echo chamber to offend and chase off the few remaining stragglers still there.

Bragging about her serious business expertise and partnership with Lowtax is what a unstable BPD thot does, the opposite of what any brand strategist with an ounce of experience would do. She’s pretending to be a business woman instead of facing the reality that she’s the current side piece of a business owner hammering in the final nails in his “brand” coffin while she cheers him on telling him a bigger hammer, and more people watching him hammer, will fix everything.

The time for investors and growing the site as a content platform was a decade ago. The only reason SA thrived was because of the forums. Neglecting the forums and letting them be managed by unpaid idiots who chased off the talented and funny posters has left the forums on life support in a vegetative state. Bogan and Lowtax are beyond stupid if they think they should put time and resources into anything besides salvaging what made SA famous and relevant - its forums and the online communities it spawns.

The fact Lowtax wouldn’t even invest money for an forum upgrade years ago shows he was too much of an egotistical narcissistic to realize the forums were, by miles, his most important asset. He totally took them for granted, got angry at them and then neglected them - just like did to most of his friends and spouses.
 
Ostatnio edytowane:
I watched a stream last week of his gaming garbage or whatever, it was literally just him slurring words at a borderline indecipherable pace, with weird as hell speech cadence and tone/pitch that was genuinely unpleasant and cringey to listen to. He was playing some indie rpg or hack and slash thing with terrible graphics, but I couldn't really hear his commentary because of his slurred/strange speech. He would occasionally start rambling in a segue about Ashlii and he was clearly growing angry because his pitch/tone and volume level would rise.

I don't understand how he thinks this is some kind of value-generating enterprise or how he thinks literally anyone finds this entertaining. I could pay a homeless wino to just start rambling about anything that came to mind while filming and generate more entertainment value. (Lowtax's next feature, I'm sure, starring himself.)

I saw clips of the previous one before that where his whore accidentally left her cage to wave bottles of liquor or wine around while going "WHOOOO" and Lowtx became visibly annoyed.

In fact, this immediately comes to mind for me, with LowT stumbling into the GBS and confused goons looking on while...this happens.
 
Dick has no charisma that can carry him through the rough spots, though he thinks he has. Look at Markiplier, for example. He's both handsome and has a beautiful manvoice but he's marginally funny. Jontron is a pig but he's genuinely funny. Lowtax? Not funny, not handsome, not skilled and sounds like a fart trapped in a balloon.
Shoulda cashed out when you had the chance, Dick, shoulda cashed out before you crashed out, now it's a painful downward spiral.

Hm, the most entertaining SomethingAwful and Lowtax has been in years, actually. Keep doing it.
 
I can't believe this is what it's come to. After seeing everyone from web 1.0 cash out years ago we're left with LowT getting so buttmad in 2020 that he locks down his pay to play forums because there are mean people making fun of him. In the 2000s there was a good reason for the paywall. But now? Anyone can get entertainment online for absolutely free.

You'd figure the first thing a brand manager would want to do is ditch the incredibly stale model and branding. LowT even being on the forums is a dead giveaway something major is brewing in his life. The only time's he's logged on were when radium left (and LowT needed money), shmorky left (and LowT needed money), when ZDR left ...and you can tell where this is going.
 
I don't even.

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and..

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Saving this so KM can't walk it back.

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(https://dribbble.com/giantsinthesky and yes the stuff on the right is apparently her "work")
 
Ostatnio edytowane:
Yeah I'm sure the major globohomo corporation would "reject images with black people" and not just reject them because they were made by a talentless sheboon hack whose only talent is scamming goons out of "charity". 🙄
 
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Jesus christ lowtax.

Null is so much better and more honest than you, and I'm pretty sure he's a Jew who loves Isreal dispite you calling us nazis.
 
So Lowtax has multiple children and isn't in any of their lives right? Lowtax confirmed for niggo?
 
sperginity powiedział(a):
not everyone. Maddox is another web 1.0 guy who ultimately retired to the kiwi farms instead of greener pastures. maybe he should form a support group with lowtax
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Yeah there was a lot of garbage in web 1.0. I don't know Maddox even ever had a clear path to monetize his shitty flash in the pan. It's fucking amazing though when you compare anyone with even a slight bit of business acumen to LowT.

I used to browse Pointless Waste of Time forums because they were free before I paid for an account on SA. PWOT somehow turned its passable at best comedy into a number of books and then turned into fucking late 2000s listicle phenomenon cracked.com. Their humour was never as good as SA's at its peak but no one fucking cared because the user base was there. THAT was fuckin brand management.
 
TurdFondler powiedział(a):
. I don't know Maddox even ever had a clear path to monetize his shitty flash in the pan. It's fucking amazing though when you compare anyone with even a slight bit of business acumen to LowT.
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Not to get too OT, but he bragged about not monetizing the site and how much money he could be making for one shitty tiny ad per page during the height of his page views. It is pretty fucking funny in retrospect. Lowtax is kind of the same with his poor choice not to pay anyone to help with the website. Lowtax is too greedy, maddox too smug. Their personality flaws make it impossible to succeed.
 
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