🐮 Lolcow Timothy "TJ" Church / Cowlick - Failed Literotica Writer &/or Null's Best Friend

[The Mountain]

Ia ia, TJ ftaghn. May he reign for a thousand years.

He has returned to his lair to sleep and feed, but will never truly be gone. For TJ is not a mere entity, but a concept. Much as the concept of death or the color blue cannot be defeated, so too shall the concept of derp persist eternally.

 

[ChurchOfGodBear]

I'd actually like to see this thread drop to the depths of page 6+, so this will be my last post until the return of Teej. The reason I'd like to see it drop is because we told him over and over again that no one gave a shit about him, and the only reason we talked about him was because he came in to stir the shitpot. We said without him, this thread would get boring and go dormant. No matter how many times we told him that, his vast intellect could never process it.

I just don't like the idea of TJChurch being right about anything. So I'm opting to let this thread settle.

 

[klystron]

I have not forgotten. Have you?

 

[Sonic Speed Monkey]

I will never forget our lord and savior, TJ. Even if this thread sinks to the bowels of Kiwi, he will always be in my heart!

 

[RequiredName]

I have not forgotten. Have you?

He appears to still post to his Twitter (which nobody can read because he doesn't let them, so he might as well just open Notepad and write in that), unless those are some kind of automated messages related to following spam accounts, depending on how Twatter works. If he has a new Lit sock, I don't think you can just search posts for the phrase "&/or". I've read he's been gone for a month or more before (I think even at this same time of year last year).

Oh well. I suppose since he's unfortunately deceased, the best thing we can do to honor his memory is to hope they reinstate his Tumblr so that future generations can benefit and savor his erudite wisdom.

 

[klystron]

Oh well. I suppose since he's unfortunately deceased, the best thing we can do to honor his memory is to hope they reinstate his Tumblr so that future generations can benefit and savor his erudite wisdom.

If @Cowlick is really TJChurch then he will be resurrected and re-visit us all to share his infinite wisdom. And in turn we will show our appreciation with infinite photoshops of dat smile.

 

[Golly]

If @Cowlick is really TJChurch then he will be resurrected and re-visit us all to share his infinite wisdom. And in turn we will show our appreciation with infinite photoshops of dat smile.

Oh, klystron. There are five stages of grief. It's pretty clear which one you're on.

 

[klystron]

Oh, klystron. There are five stages of grief. It's pretty clear which one you're on.

I'm not grieving. I'm not not any stage.

And I'm not klystron, man.

 

[Null]

Hast thine forums lost their way? Dost thou protest the omniscient God? Why hast thou been seen absent from Church this fortnight?

 

[Mister Lister]

Interesting (not really) titbit of information: When googling one of TJ's many usernames I came across one of those typical question/answer sites like Ask or Yahoo answers or whatever. There was a question which probably had a tiny part of his username in there somewhere relating to our Archbishop of Articulation, the Pope of Penmanship, and Colloquial Cleric.

"Autism and double cowlicks, are they really related?"

The seemingly random username now makes sense. Also I would have to mention I was on page twenty something? when I found this, meaning he really has got to be obsessive about googling himself. If it isn't on page 1 it might as well not exist to most people. Yes I understand I also sifted through dozens of search results to find this, but I don't claim to be a productive member of society.

 

[Silver]

Mr. Church once left for a day because he believed activity would simmer down if this was the case. I wonder if he's now testing his hypothesis except with more time.

We cannot prove him right.

 

[Joan Nyan]

Mr. Church once left for a day because he believed activity would simmer down if this was the case. I wonder if he's now testing his hypothesis except with more time.

We cannot prove him right.

Yeah he PM'd me a couple days ago saying something like that.

 

[Null]

I've been ready for a miracle, TJ.

 

[Burned Man]

steaksauce 147:11
the Church delights in those who read him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.
tnadnuder 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a TJ of Church.

Continue to hope for his love & return & it may yet happen.

 

[Silver]

Amazing Church, how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found
was blind, but now I see

 

[Cotton Pudding]

“For Church so loved the boards, that he revived his only Thread, that whoever reads of him should not sigh but have eternal lulz."

 

[KingofManga420]

Ay TJ come back ya fuckin spastic I know you're reading this.

 

[Uzumaki]

Be not afraid, true believers, because our God has left signs and portents for his followers in their darkest hour. BEHOLD: Lost scriptures of TJ Church!

Don't tell me your ideas what I should or should not be doing... Also, don't be commenting with corrections; That's not what it's for! (Why it's called coMMENTS, & not coRRECTIONS)... Especially not when half of what you write comes from sources like "Elements of Style", which Stephen King himself has outed in published books as being largely crap!

What kind of comments are you looking for then if not stuff to help you improve? I write a lot myself and comments from others telling me what they liked, what they didn't like, and any errors they found all helped me to improve.Certainly Elements of Style is outdated but it does help with the basics which is where a lot of your errors are. And while I really enjoyed Stephen King's On Writing it's not he isn't without his own faults. Every writer has weaknesses. It's knowing them and working to mitigate them that helps you grow as a writer. Your complete rejection of criticism makes me think you'll just stagnate, stuck at your current incomprehensible level.

I am looking for comments made to help me improve... However, in the same E-mail here, you tell me to read people's comments to help me improve, while simultaneously admitting nobody is perfect (which I thought we all knew).
If they are pointing-out things to help me improve, but the "mistakes" they are pointing-out are being pointed-out mistakenly (& what I write is actually correct), me changing what I write to what they suggest improves nobody & in fact only makes me worse.

So what kind of comments would you be willing to listen to? To me it sounds like you have things set up so every comment that isn't lavishing praises on you is mistaken. You had to have changed your writing, to have improved or you would be writing in the vernacular of a six year old, ergo you have to be willing to accept advice from others. Your teachers growing up must have given you pointers and things to improve on, that's what I was trying to do, not that you seem to care.
And there are mistakes that are simply basics of writing, things that have always been wrong and always will be wrong. And yes, I found some of those in the one blog post of yours I read.
A general rule of thumb is if a more experienced writer is pointing out errors, they're probably correct, especially when you're dealing with someone who's been published. Also, if you find several people pointing out the exact same error or type of error that's usually a sign that it's something you need to fix. Certainly there will be differences in opinion and no one's happy when someone points out where and how they've gone wrong in their work, but listening to a variety of opinions and looking for common themes will help you improve as well as recognize your own weaknesses. It's nearly impossible to be completely objective about your own work so you need outside opinions and eyes to find the flaws. My offer to take a look at your work with that in mind is still on the table.

While we're on the subject of mistakes we found in each other's writing, let me quote something you wrote in the E-mail I am responding to...
"...there are mistakes that are simply basics of writing, things that have always been wrong and always will be wrong..." Impossible; If anything is part of "the basics" of anything else, that means it is the exact opposite of wrong. For future reference, "wrong" means "incorrect", such as your claim you found basic mistakes in any of my writing, or that several people pointing-out a same mistake means it certainly is. (Simple look at past election results, etc. would prove it is possible & has occurred that several people will make the same incorrect observation, &/or people very-experienced at something will do that thing wrong for a long time... It simply means, especially in the latter case, that nobody has corrected them, not that they should still be given the right to correct what they tell me is a mistake that I have in reality been right on all along.)
I agree a person may need outside opinions/eyes to find flaws. However, if in any given cases (not all, as nobody is perfect), a flaw is found in one person's work by another person or even a group of other people, that does not mean the flaw truly exists. (Alaska, after all, was once known as a man's "Folly".) It is just as possible that the person/people claiming to have found the mistake(s) is/are the one(s) making it/them.
Your "offer" remains on the table, as I will not take it.

I honestly wonder at your level of literacy that you weren't able to understand that sentence. I will do my best to use shorter sentences with you from here on out to avoid confusing you. There are basics of writing that are always true. If you make a mistake that violates one of those basics it will be wrong no matter what style you use. I assure you that your vocabulary lessons aren't necessary. I have a high vocabulary.
As for your comparison of writing mistakes being like elections, elections are a matter of opinion. So are some writing choices of course. But if everyone or nearly everyone says the same thing is wrong, you need to take a step back and evaluate it. Most people write so that other people will read it. If everyone who reads it has the same problems with it, then it's clear what you should change. But it's Nora's if you can't change something back to the way it was if you decide you don't like it. Part of writing is experimenting and developing your style. To stay the same is to stagnate.
Again, it depends on who that person is. If a published author said that you needed to fix something, would you do it? And how often do you edit? Because you talk as if your work is perfect when I find if is anything but. Even published books occasionally have mistakes so I don't see why you're so defensive on the subject.
If you're unwilling to have me look at your work would you be willing to take a look at a sample of mine? I would love to see your editing process and what you consider to be a mistake/flaw.

You say that my vocabulary lessons aren't needed, claiming you have a high one... Yet in the very same E-mail, you (in what is a FAR-from-perfect sentence) refer to "Nora's" something as though we both already admitted to knowing who she is/was, as well as saying I am claiming my work is perfect (I never claimed that), when you find "if is anything but"... In that phrase alone, we find that regardless of my quality reaching perfection, it is closer than yours.

Nora's is a typo. My phone autocorrected to that for some reason. What I meant to type was 'not as if'. I don't make it a habit to proofread most e-mails since I have better things to do with my time.
As for the perfection claim, being unwilling to take any kind of criticism and making excuses for why you aren't is tantamount to saying you think your work is perfect. So is using there being mistakes in your work as an example of the word wrong. If you believed your work wasn't perfect you would have used a different example.
Then if my work is of so much lower quality than yours, critique some of it for me. Show me how much of a better writer you are by pointing out my mistakes and helping me improve.

I don't need to use any number of examples, nor specific examples; I didn't say I was perfect, so it's wrong to say I think I am. Also, you clearly aren't (& seem to admit it), meaning no matter what else you have to do, you don't always have better things to do than notice & correct your mistakes.

I actually had to read this paragraph three times to figure out what you were trying to say. You need to work on making your writing clear so people can actually understand you.
Yes, for e-mails I generally, with the exception of formal ones for work, don't bother proof reading them. But for my written work, my novels and short stories, I do. Especially when I post them online for others to see. I reread them multiple times to catch spelling and grammar errors and to improve the flow and readability of my work. Something you would do well to adopt.
And while you have never said you are perfect in a declarative sentence, you have said your work is completely error free and any errors pointed out by others are wrong. How is that not saying that your writing is perfect

Don't tell me you check your writing when a blind person could find mistakes. Also, never tell me I "would do well to adopt" proofreading when I do it constantly!Also, I have never said my work is completely error-free. For anyone to say that would certainly be lying, as you did in the E-mail I am responding to now with your proofreading claim.

The page is torn at this point, but it's possible further fragments may be discovered.

(These are curtsey of my sister, who doesn't feel like exposing her neck to all you wacky people but who is mildly obsessed with this guy. I guess he e-mailed her after she commented on his blog. I know this sounds like a bullshit troll cover story but in this case it's actually my sister.)

 

[RequiredName]

Mr. Church has updated his blog. It took him reportedly since October to write it, and is his shortest diatribe yet.

Looking at that title, I thought of several questions a reader may ask. The first was, “What is ‘ad’?” My reply is, “One of four things:

• To (perhaps) my Pastor & some past teachers, a time period.
• To my best friend, a preposition.
• To my father, something you sell/read for a radio station.
• To me, the least-important part of that title.

“L. E.” is an abbreviation for something I created & (semi-) wrote aver a dozen years ago. At long last, I may be within six-weeks-or-so of fully writing it. The other part in quotation marks is a still-incomplete portion of “L. E.”. While largely-inactive, it has/they have been large sections of my physical & mental existence/concentration for that time. This means whenever I finish it/them, I can promote plans/things on my “back burners”, or work/concentrate on things I have yet to even consider.

As the famous phrase goes, the future/2015 could be/get “very interesting”.

Let's all try to guess what "L.E." stands for! My guess is "Lit Erotica," his favorite e-haunt right behind this thread.

 

[Cowlick]

Mr. Church has updated his blog. It took him reportedly since October to write it, and is his shortest diatribe yet.
Let's all try to guess what "L.E." stands for! My guess is "Lit Erotica," his favorite e-haunt right behind this thread.

I wrote that blog ON the day in its title, not over all the time since then.

Also, "L. E." doesn't stand for anything currently existing on the Web, 49 States, or anywhere outside of Ohio... But since I am well-aware there are shows that are performed on Broadway & touring all over the country, & have a DVD that proves the late Davy Jones did one famous musical in England, I feel safe & confident to say you may all get to see what it does stand for in the future.