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🐷 Ethan Ralph's Twitter / Tweets - A collection of thoughts, insights and musings from the internet's favorite gunted hobbit
I hope it's not actually cancer, because then we're just going to get a really boring arc where a scared Ralph hunkers down in the shack and barely streams until he dies and that'll be where it ends.
Ralph needs to go out on stream with his heart finally giving out while he's hopped up on 5 different substances and hollering at someone. That's the way it should be.
I think the opposite would be true (trew). If he was told he had 6 months to live, we would chase every high possible and die in Thailand trying to swim away from the cops.
Don't worry Ralph, the people at Ripley's Believe It or Not aren't actually doctors, they'd just never seen a crypytid like you before and wanted to verify you were actually real.
Ralph, we didn't wish cancer on you, we just wanted proof you could touch your toes! Which I guess this is further confirmation that you can't.
Anyway I ran this video through the Wigger3000 AI speech to text translator and here's what it came up with, for those of you who prefer to read:
"I'm playing the heel, the reason you hate me is because I wanted you to hate me, but because you gave me the result I wanted, which is that you hate me, I now hate you for giving me what I wanted, and I'd never wish someone ill health, like wishing Metokur would die of cancer or Scarlett Hampton would kill herself, so the fact I did that because 'everything is fair game,' I'm the heel after all, I'm going to pretend I didn't and instead wish cancer on YOU, which I already did, and I only posted that x-ray to get your hopes up, even though I don't know what it is and I'm scared, even though I always say I'm not afraid of death and I'm in fact ready to die, want to die, but what happened is I was running too hard, even though I can't run because I need knee surgery, I can hardly stand or move without hurting myself, it was actually hotter where I went on vacation that it is in Merida, as if the fact that the price of my flight and lodging or weather forecasts couldn't tell me that, because I'd have to look first and I didn't, I just bought the ticket without thinking, because watching the world cup in once city where the world cup isn't being played is better than watching it in another city where it isn't being played, and walking a two block radius was just too much walking for me, or what I like to call it is running, I was running, been doing a lot of that, or something, but yeah I was just telling someone in principal I don't really wish health problems on other people but you know what I really do, many of you should be erased, so cry about that and maybe Jim will give me another easy physical fitness challenge because I wanted him to do that as a matter of fact and I still haven't passed the first one, nigga."
He’s back in the dungeon of despair, on his little wooden chair in front of that fly-specked grimy wall (seriously, what is that shit?) Just furiously flappin those arms
just oozing and spitting fury. looking like he’s about to burst a blood vessel. That’s real good for your health there, ralphie.
lol
he’ll be doing this shit over and over until he dies
which may not be too far in the future.
I hope it is lung cancer solely on the fact that he’ll spend his last days pretending to be Walter White.
“SAY MY NAME, MEDICARE! STAY OUTTA MAI TERRITORIIEEEEEEE”
