Grace Lavery / Joseph Lavery & Daniel M. Lavery / Mallory Ortberg - "Straight with extra steps" couple trooning out to avoid "dwindling into mere heterosexuality"

Mallory is a preacher’s kid in the worst way.
Everything she has done for ten years boils down to, “I’m a rebel, Dad!! Take that!”

The thing about gooning, or really any kind of masturbation, is that everyone does it sometimes. We always knew that as a society we just also knew no one else really wanted to hear about it.

At some point over the last 15 years, people have started to talk WAY too much about it. Like how is it an identity now? How is that healthy?

And the people who do talk about how porn positive they are, or ask guys what their top porn categories are at parties, are usually EXACTLY like Mal. They’re attention seeking. They’re a little less attractive than the like really popular girls. It’s a thing to get male attention and be part of a group of men and spend time with them that way if they won’t officially like date that woman.

It’s actually not good for you to isolate yourself. The gooning thing is weird because wanker used to be a slur, now people are like talking about specific types of masturbation and proud of it.

That doesn’t make them seem very presentable. Like not real employable, not real dateable. If you hang around jerking off in niche ways all day most healthy people don’t really want a part of that. It is likely to hurt your prospects in other areas of your life.

Mal is like an overgrown 12 year old preacher’s kid, I swear. Still has these sweet Christian values of helping old people. But trying to be a massive edgelord too.

It’s so cringey and she should’ve gotten it out of the way what 30 years ago now?
 
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Shit breath confirmed. Imagine the poor Berkeley coed cornered by closetalker Prof. Lavatory.

My god how have teeth not rotted out of his mouth yet?
 
Nihilist Joe Lavery coming at ya with an uncharacteristic burst of sincerity over Zohran Mamdani (candidate for mayor of NYC):
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Caption says:
Watching Zohran Mamdani emerge from movement politics, specifically from the DSC, to generate a popular broad movement has been, easily, the most exciting political development of my time in the US. I say this as someone who was a grudging Obama ‘08 backer, and an only-slightly-less-grudging Bernie 2020 backer—Mamdani is doing the political work of stitching the socialistic concerns of the Eugene Debs faction to abolitionist movements against imperialism and for Black lives. In admittedly favorable circumstances (rising unpopular authoritarianism; large left-wing city long governed by corrupt centrists) Mamdani is building the coalition that no leftist in the US has succeeded in reconstructing since it was dismantled by Clinton, and has more charisma and, seemingly, instinct than his nearest UK counterpart, Jeremy Corbyn. Pakistani New Yorkers singing songs about him in Queens bars; the “One Pound Fish” remix needle drop; the obvious hatred extruded from Cuomo and his vile ilk: these are reasons to get excited. The fash will try to stop him, and they’ll win some battles and lose others—but let them vilify this obviously likable, generous, passionate New Yorker. Their own ranks are filled with intolerable, charmless racists. The man made a campaign ad about Sylvia Rivera in which he didn’t sound like he’d heard her name for the first time five minutes before the cameras started rolling. This is an exciting moment—I wish I could vote for it, and I hope that everyone who can enjoys that great privilege. Please do vote—I suspect it will be closer than it looks. Mamdani 2025. xo

Interesting choice of words:
  • "I say this as someone who was a grudging Obama ‘08 backer, and an only-slightly-less-grudging Bernie 2020 backer"
  • "This is an exciting moment—I wish I could vote for it, and I hope that everyone who can enjoys that great privilege."
Joe lists the candidates that he backed, never actually saying that he voted, but deliberately making it sound that way. And he wishes he could vote for Mamdani too! Maybe it's because he doesn't, alas, live in NYC anymore! But Joe, who has been eligible for naturalization for many years now, has never applied. He is a permanent resident (aka a green card holder), not a US citizen. He is not eligible to vote.

It's weird to hear this cynical, self-serving edgelord troon take a minute away from reposting 9/11 jokes on Instagram Stories to sincerepost about a candidate and encourage people to vote. I wonder what got into him.

Meanwhile, not gonna cap the full Insta post because her caption was a simple, inane "Sweater time!" but Tard Baby is feeling herself:
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:story:Pooners. lol.
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Ostatnio edytowane:
Meanwhile, Lumberjack Dan somehow stuffed his huge manly cock into some menswear!:
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That suit is comically too big. I lived in permanent 90 degree heat at 100% humidity over 10 years, so i know the benefits of a loose cut but this is absurd.
And while i am a sworn enemy of the Tom Ford style sporty look, fashion has been trending in that direction, with even savile row going towards the more traditional Italian slim cut that only just about covers your behind.
Also glen plaid patterns should be subtle, ideally only noticeable up close, particularly when worn with a smooth fabric like what tard baby has on. Then there is the 70's super wide lapel with the 60's high buttoned up look, which is awful. But just the size should enough to never try this on unless you are cosplaying as David Byrne.

For an example of what tastefully oversized suit would look like on someone with a slim build:

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Meanwhile, not gonna cap the full Insta post because her caption was a simple, inane "Sweater time!" but Tard Baby is feeling herself:
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:story:
Pooners. lol.'

Also that is a gay looking sweater.
 
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Has "Daniel" never worn a wedding ring?

ETA - Found the nightmare wedding photos again and yes there was a ring. Maybe nursing home bingo caller/bus drivers can't wear those on duty and forget to put them back on?
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I did a very quick trawl through Instagram and the last time I saw the ring was 2021.
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Joe was still wearing his in 2021:
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Also, nothing to do with the ring but lol:
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Ostatnio edytowane:
Meanwhile, not gonna cap the full Insta post because her caption was a simple, inane "Sweater time!" but Tard Baby is feeling herself:
So manly to post photos of yourself trying on clothes and get all the girls on IG tell you how cute they are.

Is she trying on clothes at some hip vintage boutique type store or at a friend’s house? There are tags hanging off the sweater sleeve so I was assuming she’s enjoying “retail therapy” as the dude bros say.

I don’t understand her impulse to dress like guest on Pee Wee’s Playhouse or if she thinks this qualifies as some sort of quirky gay man style. Tiny Tim did it much better (was far more talented and legitimately quirky af).

All that said, at least this stuff is an improvement over the hideous hiphop astronaut designer clothes Joe had her wearing in NY.

Honestly, the BPT would make a great Halloween costume idea for a trio. Recreating the fashion atrocity of the NYT photo would be hilarious.
 
Slipshady used car salesman
Greasy emcee of a strip show
Equally greasy night desk clerk of a Chicago flophouse
Also any Bowery flophouse before the Chinese took over the Bowery
In the South, he'd be one of those cheap tent revival "preachers" with no actual congregation, constantly claiming that "We're building the church right now, contributions needed!"

PS: No "they" aren't. Never fall for this one.
 
Found the nightmare wedding photos again and yes there was a ring. Maybe nursing home bingo caller/bus drivers can't wear those on duty and forget to put them back on?
"Bare below the elbows" allows a wedding ring, but even if this were the one facility in the USA who took that seriously, Mal isn't even clinical staff.
 
Also that is a gay looking sweater.
With that flirty hem, that has got to be a woman's sweater. I flipped the mirror image and enhanced the tag, but got nowhere with an image search. That's a somewhat popular pattern and color combo, but none I saw had that jagged hem. With that unreadable font, the tag was a lost cause.
 
Tard Baby is feeling herself:
She's hairstyling like a 90s Marc Almond.
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Who, incidentally, bears a passing physionomic resemblance at times to Joe (beak + cheeks + weak jaw).

Gold and white aren't her colors.


On a more serious note: I thought those book-style phone cases were notoriously beloved by middle-aged and older women. I know I like 'em. Not a very masculine print on it, either.
But for the medallion, looks like William Morris.
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YOU CAN'T HAVE MY WILLIAM MORRIS, JOE,
 
Slipshady used car salesman
Greasy emcee of a strip show
Equally greasy night desk clerk of a Chicago flophouse
Also any Bowery flophouse before the Chinese took over the Bowery
I’m getting major Sid Fernwilter of Piranha Club vibes.
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Sid IS a bit of a style icon, of course, so I’m not completely dissing the look.
 
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