despite me previously addressing this, i did it through scattered posts, in animation meme format, and carrd, inconcisely. Some of those posts are outdated as well, and I don't blame anyone for not keeping up to date with my posts. I'm genuinely sorry for the previous unserious format.
this post is to concisely address my abusive past and inform on what happened from being groomed in abusive communities as a kid, how I became an abuser as a teen, and how I've changed and taken responsibility as an adult.
⁃ Groomed by pedos into believing I was a zoophile [2017-2018]
- Large age gap normalization
⁃ Suggestive + NSFW art posted publicly while i was a minor, normalizing it
⁃ Proship [2020-2021]
⁃ Taking accountability and changing as an adult [2021-2024 and forward]
⁃ Changing the way I handle future content
⁃ Message for keeping kids safe online
Extra
recovery from abuse isn't instantaneous, there are layers and it can take a long time to unlearn abuse.
Groomed by zoophiles
People have assumed I'm a zoophile.
In my 2017 discord server, I was groomed by online pedos / zoophiles into believing that zoophilia was normal, convincing me I was "mature for my age" to justify age gaps, and got me to the point I believed I was a zoophile myself.
People also assumed I sexually abused an animal because of my vent drawing, and this is also not true. It was a vent about physical abuse. I was beaten as a kid, and it caused me to be violent at 10 years old.
[my 2020 statement on this]
[in 2020, I still believed I was a zoophile. but now, i firmly believe i am not one. I was abused into thinking I was one rather than actually being one. I have never sexually abused any animals.]
Large age gap normalization
Large age gaps were normalized to me as a kid. My first irl boyfriend was 16 while I was 12, and I've publicly dated someone 3 years older than me [13-16] while nobody batted an eye. I also dated someone who was 21 while I was 16.
That being said, the largest age difference I've dated with someone younger than me was an age gap of 2 yrs 11 months, they were 14 and I was 16-17.
Being groomed is not an excuse for me dating with a gap like this, only an explanation for why it was normalized to me. I no longer believe a 3 year age gap in young teen years is okay, and it doesn't excuse the harm I caused by the maturity and age gap.
It's different when everyone involved is an adult, but this gap in teen years has a huge maturity difference.
In the past i excused myself by saying it's "not grooming." But it was still a weird maturity gap. I am not a pedophile and I would not seek out someone for being young and vulnerable. But it doesn't matter my intentions. they're not an excuse, i still caused harm, passing down abusive mindsets that cannot be undone.
I don't blame anyone for being triggered by me. I must take responsibility for the harm I've caused both directly and indirectly. I must sincerely apologize and take accountability for the harm this sort of age gap causes.
Normalizing nsfw content around minors / posting suggestive + nsfw as a minor
Some people have assumed I made content for kids. However, I have a history of making NSFW / suggestive content even since I was 12 - 17 years old. This is another thing I was encouraged into doing, as older teens and adults would say it's okay and encouraged it.
Having NSFW normalized to me as a minor, I encouraged other minors to draw and talk suggestively. My public servers from 2017-2020 allowed NSFW and suggestive talk. I would show off my dildo in VC's, shared sexual art and had sexual conversations. I was an older teen and didn't ensure people were mature or old enough before talking about / drawing NSFW or suggestive content with them. I had a ""private"" NSFW art account in 2019 that let ANYONE in, without looking at age. That was not at all responsible or private.
*I should have known better and I should have been more responsible, and I'm deeply remorseful for this, I have hurt way more people in doing so than I can even remember.*
I was overly publicly sexual and didn't care or take responsibility for how that affected people, using the excuse "i'm mature enough"
Posting these things at a young age not only put myself in danger, but encouraged other kids to do so and think it was okay for them to.
I am genuinely sorry for not listening to anyone who told me not to post these as a kid, and I now believe it is not safe for minors to post NSFW or overly suggestive content.
However, if a minor *does* post NSFW / suggestive art, they could be a victim putting themselves in danger unknowingly because of being groomed and encouraged into doing so. They should be educated on why it's unsafe, NOT victim blaming or harassment.
Even at 18, I didn't do a good enough job keeping minors away from my NSFW / suggestive content. I still talked about it publicly and had a public 18+ account that was easily accessible to minors. While it's not wrong to have an NSFW account as an adult, it is wrong to be completely irresponsible with an impressionable audience, and not take responsibility for it.
I am taking responsibility for the normalization of sexual content around minors, even while I was a teen / minor myself. This was completely wrong of me to evade responsibility, and I sincerely apologize for this.
Just to be clear, nowadays I only post nsfw on private 18+ spaces. People have leaked / reuploaded my stuff which is out of my control, but I do what's in my control to make sure minors won't see it. I want to make it clear I am NOT comfortable at all with people reposting my nsfw, ESPECIALLY stuff I drew while I was a minor.
Proship
My carrd has been outdated for a while. I noted that I "left my abusers in 2018", however I wrote this in 2020 while I was still being groomed and didn't realize it.
Yes i was no longer around the previous zoophilic abusers from my old server in 2017-2018, but in 2019-2020 i was still being groomed by pedophilic adults and fell into a community of proshippers.
This caused me to push and defend proship beliefs, indulge in proship NSFW / roleplays, and tried to make a video defending proshippers. (the video was never finished thankfully.) I tried to justify "why problematic ships are okay" to fans of mine, and I even made fun of / mocked the people who were triggered by me.
I want to be completely clear that if you are triggered by me, it's completely valid to be, even if I've changed. Nobody should be forced to act like they're okay with me, for any reason at all.
I haven't been proship since 2021. I am NOT a proshipper anymore.
And yes this means i was proship for a bit at 18, but i dismantled and completely denounced being proship at this age.
Being in this community was obviously horrible and I am not trying to excuse doing this, but explain why it got to that point, and that I'm no longer in or support it at all.
[firstly questioning my beliefs, leaving the proship community but still having some attachment to it (hence the "pro-fic" thing)
[being against both proship and antiship ideologies]
[denouncing being proship in 2022]
I mention this progression because I used to say "I left the proship community in early/march 2021" which is true, however that omits the context of me dismantling the beliefs over time.
This left my stance unclear.
I want to make it absolutely clear now what I believe.
My current beliefs are that people should be able to use triggering themes to tell a story, but not to glorify or normalize abuse, and it should always be taken seriously and respectfully with proper warnings. THIS DOES NOT INCLUDE INDULGING IN PROBLEMATIC NSFW / SHIPS. These topics should be treated with respect and care.
I am NOT a proshipper for believing this stance.
I also want to mention my stance on feral nsfw. I used to draw this when I was proship, but in 2021 during the "pro-fic" time I still drew it unknowingly. It was so normalized to me that I used the excuse of them still being "anthro" because they are mentally human yet still have animal proportions.
But now, I don't support that stance, and I avoid drawing or supporting feral nsfw at all.
Nowadays if I draw nsfw, it's still furry, but they have humanoid bodies and I don't draw animal genitalia. I'd only draw human or monster ones that don't link to real animals.
Taking accountability and changing, what i've done to dismantle these mindsets and improve as an adult
Dismantling my abusive mindsets did not happen in a snap. Although 2018 was when I first made an effort to leave my zoophilic abusers and change for the better, there were still parts of the cycle after that, such as having an nsfw art account in 2019 and being in the proship community in 2020 / 2021.
There is no other way to put it, I was abusive as a teenager. I victimized people and fed into this cycle of abuse from being abused myself, and there is no undoing or excusing the damage that's done, only an explanation on how and why it happened.
But I am genuinely remorseful and therefore willing to put in the effort needed to change myself for the better, to be responsible as an adult and denounce the abusive behaviors I had before.
I went to therapy, and worked to change myself as a person to ensure I never make the same mistakes of abuse again.
I now completely denounce and despise zoophilia, proship ideology, and pedophilia, because these are the very ideologies that abused me.
That being said, Nobody is obligated to forgive, trust, be comfortable with, or talk to me after knowing the damage I've caused. ESPECIALLY victims of my behavior either directly or indirectly, or people who have been victimized in similar ways. If someone is triggered by me i will always respect that and not push any sort of communication.
BUT, I am willing and open to talk if I've hurt someone directly and they would like closure or a direct apology from me.
I have done so before, and if anyone I've victimized still needs direct communication from me I would.
Also, if I do make any mistakes in the future, I would appreciate being told directly what I can do to improve. I don't want to evade responsibility if I do something wrong or upsetting.
changing the way i handle future content (drug warnings, suggestive art)
In the future, I want to change the way I handle my content.
I will no longer post more overly suggestive animations / art on my main accounts. I don't feel comfortable doing so anymore, especially due to heavily contributing to the rampant over sexualization in the media where minors can see.
going forward i will also put better warnings for mature themes, specifically drug / psych use, i do not want to glorify drug addiction.

I used to not take seriously the amount of influence my content / my online expression has.
But now I know, even though I never intended to have a young audience, people who are impressionable will still see my content, and I need to take that responsibly.
Message for keeping kids safe online
Because of growing up in an abusive home and being groomed in an unrestricted online environment at a young age, I fell into abusive mindsets which caused layers of trauma, to the point of me traumatizing others.
Even to this day, despite getting help and recovering, I am still dismantling the trauma and the damage can never be removed from my past.
Many kids online will have similar experiences, and it's so important to keep them safe.
If a minor falls into the beliefs that pedophilia, zoophilia, proship, abuse etc is normal, DO NOT victim blame them. They should be educated on why these mindsets are wrong.
Sometimes kids who are abused hurt others. And this does not mean you should excuse their actions, but I firmly believe people like this deserve help.
That being said, if an adult is abusive, it shouldn't have to be a kid's responsibility to help them. They should be held accountable IRL.
The reason I was able to begin dismantling these beliefs is because in 2018 I had a sex education class that taught about what abuse is, how to see and leave it. And although I didn't instantly get better, even if I fell back into the cycle, I left those initial abusers.
Even if you completely despise me or what I do. If you take anything from this post, take the safety of children seriously. Prevent this sort of abuse whenever possible. And if you are a kid in an abusive situation, know and understand that *recovery is possible.*