- Dołączono
- 21 Wrz 2018
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AITAH for not inviting my trans brother to my bachelorette party or bridal shower?
I (26f) have a sibling (22m) that was born with female genitalia and raised as my sister. After a LOT of therapy, I have finally grieved the loss of my sister and accepted my brother for who he is and wants to be.
The thing that in my opinion though makes this a little weird (and has been a big part of my therapy) is that my brother still looks and dresses more like a tomboyish girl than an actual boy. He has expressed no interest in taking hormones or doing any surgeries, he just buzzed his hair short, shops in the men’s section and gives you the silent treatment for extended periods of time if you ever refer to him as she/her or his dead name.
Well, I’m getting married and will soon be having a bridal shower as well as a bachelorette party. Last week I was visiting my hometown and went to a family dinner with my dad, sister and two brothers (one born my brother, the other my trans brother).
At dinner, I was talking about how excited I was to start planning the bachelorette and bridal shower. My sister asked me who I’m going to invite and what kind of party I wanted to do. I said some friends as well as her and then my brother says what about me? There was this huge awkward silence and then my other brother trying to keep peace was like aren’t bachelorette’s just for women? Us three will find something fun to do (meaning him, my dad, and trans brother). My trans brother then looked at me and said what about the bridal shower? And my brother says also for girls. And I just kind of looked at him and took a sip of water. Then my trans brother proceeded to get up from the table, say he was finished and go upstairs. We haven’t spoken since.
Am I really the asshole here? Isn’t this what he WANTED? Wouldn’t it have been upsetting to him if I did invite him and then he would be like you’re not respecting my gender identity?
I need more therapy idk it’s so hard to accept him when he does stuff like this and I am TRULY trying my hardest.
…
Update: So after seeing a lot of these comments I called my brother this morning to try to break the silence and see where he was coming from. The first call he declined so I texted him saying I wanted to talk about the bachelorette and bridal shower to see where he was coming from because I know he’s upset. No response. I called two more times and on the second time he answered.
Before I could even open my mouth, he starts going into a big speech about how (like I’ve seen some people saying in the comments) it’s 2024 and these events don’t have to be gendered anymore and I’m making an active choice not to include him by saying they’re for women only and that he just wanted to be able to celebrate me and he’s really hurt that I don’t want that.
I said it wasn’t my intention to hurt him at all and if he wants to come I’m not going to bar him from doing that but I’m also not going to open up the guest list and invite other men like my other brother, dad etc. because it’s my party and I for reasons completely unrelated to him I would like it to be the traditional women’s only style.
He then asked why I would make an exception for him but not my other brother. I said well my other brother doesn’t want to come, he is not interested in a party for girls but if you are then just tell me and I will be so happy to invite you. Then he said that’s not the reason and hung up on me.
Imagining wanting to be a man, being treated exactly like a man, and then getting angry about it.







