💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[AnOminous]

American cheese, tomato, dill pickles, mustard.

Thick slices of tomato on both sides, thick slices of onion on the inside of the tomatoes, bacon, and Swiss, melted.

Not including condiments. Lately those would be Kewpie mayonnaise, Colman's English mustard, and ketchup.

When I get into a real burger build I can get a bit Dagwood-ish.

This fucker is still alive?!?

I think the wendigo has taken over and he's basically a headcrab zombie at this point.

 

[The Early 2000s]

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Either Jack's stroke-brained reading comprehension is at a new low, or this motherfucker wants pie on his burger

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

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Ribeye as a topping to a burger? Corn as a topping to a burger? Chess pie as a topping to a burger? Jesus christ

 

[Space Police]

Ribeye as a topping to a burger? Corn as a topping to a burger? Chess pie as a topping to a burger? Jesus christ

That's one dank food hack, toobz.

 

[Super Hans v2]

Fucking cheap-ass faggot thinks he can skip out on paying for a steakhouse dinner if he asks it to be burger toppings put on the side.

Anyway, bacon, tomato, and avocado. If it's not cheating, I'll swap out sorry bit of bread for a proper kaiser roll for the fourth.

 

[Kosher Salt]

Thick slices of tomato on both sides, thick slices of onion on the inside of the tomatoes, bacon, and Swiss, melted.

Not including condiments. Lately those would be Kewpie mayonnaise, Colman's English mustard, and ketchup.

When I get into a real burger build I can get a bit Dagwood-ish.

If I'm going all the way (yes, nod to Five Guys), then sure. I can't really turn down bacon, grilled mushrooms, jalapenos, sub out raw onion for grilled onion. I'm not going to tell you not to put ketchup on it... but honestly, if I'm building it, I'll skip it. A nice juicy ripe tomato does just fine.

But really, the classic burger I previously described really hits the spot. It's tough to improve on it.

 

[p1138]

Ribeye as a topping to a burger? Corn as a topping to a burger? Chess pie as a topping to a burger? Jesus christ

Not that I'd do it, but I could reasonably see putting corn on a burger as a topping. Although with Fatty he specified mexican street corn which in reality is just a cheat to also get mayo and cheese on the burger as well. I still have no idea wtf he was thinking with chess pie, which if memory serves is just one of a billion custard pies. And steak doesn't go on a fucking burger, steak sandwich on its own however can work just fine.

 

[Tiresome]

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Pepper bacon, melting cheese, fresh kimchi and kewpie mayo.

I know we chalk a lot of things up to stroke-brain but I have no problem believing Jack thinks he's clever getting past the toppings limit by slopping milk, corn syrup, eggs and pastry onto his damn burger by disguising it as pie.

I'm not going to tell you not to put ketchup on it... but honestly, if I'm building it, I'll skip it. A nice juicy ripe tomato does just fine.

A slice of garden tomato is superior of course but I've been enjoying slicing my homemade burgers in half and dipping in a side of ketchup on occasion. Even better, my favorite fry sauce of rich mayo, diced red onion, Heinz ketchup and green Tabasco, side by side unmixed in a small mise en place bowl so every bite has different proportions of flavor.

Ribeye as a topping to a burger?

I've had sliced ribeye on a burger. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you it's bad, but it's disrespecting both a good steak and a good burger.

 

[Gentlebastard]

Jack's brain is so far gone, his grasp on reality so tenuous, that he's resorting to Scooby-Doo/Tom & Jerry/Woody Woodpecker tactics of sandwich construction: "Bread, mustard, cheese, two platters of hors d'oeuvres, a whole roast chicken, 50 sausage links, a cherry pie, three sticks of butter, a literal cornucopia filled with fruit, one whole smoked salmon, a head of cabbage, a slice of Swiss, a glass of strawberry milkshake with a double serving of hot fudge, some spicy mayo, and bread. And stick an olive on top of it with a toothpick, please
...
terrible, the fruit ain't gud for muh keto diet. A-."

As for me, crispy bacon, some sharp goat cheese, grilled onions, and yogurt-based coleslaw.

 

[Pig Cups]

Good fucking god, Jack's topping ideas are horrid. *None* of his suggestions are even remotely sensible, even if you're stoned/drunk and are desperate for something to eat after a long night out. At this point, his brain must be nothing but scar tissue, plaques, and tangles within a standing pool of brackish cerebrospinal fluid.

To add to the burgersperging...Five Guys is my favorite option when I don't want to do all the work (since there are no In-N-Outs near me), but I usually keep things simple as far as toppings go. I also like creating special sauces by mixing mayonnaise with things like Dijon mustard and red wine.

I love a nice carmelized onion burger with some homemade bacon/onion jam. I make it with brown sugar and Worcestershire sauce. Delicious. And if I want to get back to my roots, I make a Greek burger with sautéed spinach, tzatziki, Kalamata olive spread, and a decent quality slab of feta.

I'm pretty sure you can hear Jack rip a fart near the end of his gud GT review (1:01).

Must be hard to live with half your sphincter paralyzed.

Makes one wonder how brutal it is when Jack and Tammy are home without anyone around, and feel compelled to 'let it all hang out.'

Back before his strokes, Jack probably gained a lot of joy in forcefully ripping big ones and laughing. Probably sounded like when one vigorously unfurls a section of duct tape...

Now? As @Tiresome posits, he probably lacks the muscle control to do that anymore, so he passes what I refer to as idiot farts. They probably seep out wet and slowly, with no discernible beginning, middle, or end.

 

[lindsayfan]

Either Jack's stroke-brained reading comprehension is at a new low, or this motherfucker wants pie on his burger

he wants pie on his burger, and he also he wants when we see a reply on the thread and we can see what we can reply to. Some people do so many questions we get remember we wrote. All you do is show the answer, becuse these babby cant frigth back

 

[DontEatThat_2.0]

Part of me is thinking Jack is trying to be a cheeky fucker and try to put on a whole ass meal inbetween a fucking burger, but the other half of me is also thinking he just forgot what the question he was replying to was and just rambled on about what he wanted to eat at that moment.

Both cases are possibly true seeing how Jack is essentially that dumb fat kid in elementary school who strains his brain to try to get extra food from the cafeteria.

As for my burger, keep it simple. Salted homegrown tomatoes, sliced onion, mustard and cheddar/american cheese will do just fine for me. Maybe some pickles on the side.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

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The first one? Jagoff hasn't been authentic for years now. He's riding off of his previous success when he was still animated and living in California. Now he's a dead husk of a man living in bumfuck TN.

And of course he wants fucking chess pie on his burger.

But if we're giving four things to put on top: jalapeno relish, sauteed mushrooms, caramelized onions and cave aged gruyere... sorry... "Groyer" cheese. This is the Jagoff thread after all.

 

[indomitable snowman]

Supposed great chef has never heard of apple chutney?
Also great chef Jack: let me take a small bite, proceeds to eat the largest forkful of scrambled eggs I have ever seen.

 

[MS Paint Gigachad]

American cheese, tomato, dill pickles, mustard. If mustard doesn't count against me, then add lettuce or maybe onion.

Probably mustard, onion, tomato and american cheese for me. Basic but it's decent

Or perhaps, and I'm gonna be talking out of my ass on this one, but hear me out:
Pico de gallo (for seasoned tomato and onions), a mild cheese like montery jack, pickled jalapenos, and maybe sour cream? (edit: avocado maybe? maybe even something a little chipotle flavored??)

 

[SpiceyHuman]

If by toppings, condiments are included, then I say cheese (sharp cheddar, or swiss), pickles, mustard, and bacon.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

For me I just go with Bacon, grilled/camaralized onions, american cheese, and ketchup.

Anyway Jack made a video about his "Jack Pack"

 

[Tiresome]

Probably mustard, onion, tomato and american cheese for me. Basic but it's decent

Or perhaps, and I'm gonna be talking out of my ass on this one, but hear me out:
Pico de gallo (for seasoned tomato and onions), a mild cheese like montery jack, pickled jalapenos, and maybe sour cream?

No, pico is extremely legit. It was Julia Child's favorite burger topping.

 

[ZipDisk]

Another fucking Jack Pack video?

I wish one of his targets from the previous video angrily denounced him and his self destructive spiral.

Maybe Balistic BBQ tells him to start excercising and stop fucking eating.

Why would ANYONE go to Jack for advice? He can't even speedrun death properly.

 

[Reverse Ideology]

No bacon? I am rather surprised, this is a man who once braved the pouring rain to get bacon on his Wendy's burger. I guess the latest stroke did more damage than we first thought.