Transitioning under oppressive circumstances
Something that I hear a lot of among young trans/questioning folk is that “Transitioning is impossible” for various reasons.
For some it’s that they live at home, and their parents are very transphobic. For others they live in countries/states where transitioning has become a lot more difficult in terms of legality/bureaucratic gatekeeping. Others are concerned about their workplaces finding out, and others still are convinced that they’ll end up not passing or being “ugly”.
What I’m here to say is that under 99% of these circumstances, transitioning \*is\* still possible. It gets more difficult, sure, but in all but the most restrictive circumstances, there are paths forward.
I’m going to talk about my own experiences. I lived with a very transphobic/homophobic religious family that would never accept that they actually had a daughter. In fact, getting very severely injured and then cut off from my entire extended family was the most likely outcome.
I started hrt at 22, had FFS at 25, and no one in my entire extended family suspects anything. It required a fair bit of planning, but it paid off. There were no clinics that would take me, and my family doctor would not prescribe hrt under any circumstances. My parents would always question me thoroughly whenever I left my house, and would often restrict my ability to leave entirely. Some creativity was required to get started.
I started with setting a certain time of day that I would take a walk at everyday. While there was resistance at first, eventually my family stopped questioning my daily walks after multiple months of scheduled exercise. During this time, in incognito mode while everyone was sleeping I would email dozens and dozens of clinics within my vicinity that would prescribe hrt from my own research(my family would often check my computer/history, so everything had to be deleted to hide my tracks). After a couple months, I found a clinic that would take me! However, due to how closely I’m generally monitored, setting up an appointment would be difficult. I eventually found a therapist through email that was willing to help me set up my appointment through a texting app that my family was not aware of. We set up appointments that aligned with the time of my walks. Eventually, I got a prescription.
There were many contingencies that I set up to prevent myself from being caught. These include:
\- Going to a different clinic from my regular one to pick up hrt
\- Switching labels on my medication on the off chance that anyone looks too close
\- Using a google voice number if my call history was checked
\- Only taking my medication when my family was gone/ all asleep
There were many other things that were done, but you get the point.
Of course, then comes the question of hiding the actual effects of hrt. I prepared for breast growth(at least, the initial stages of it) by getting a men’s compression shirt for gynecomastia. When questioned as to why, I simply said that I got it for exercise purposes. I also started losing weight to give some reason for why my general body shape was changing. The biggest and most important thing with these changes is to deny, deny, deny. Cognitive dissonance does an incredible amount of heavy lifting if you let it. Your family sees you as a man, and their perception of you as such makes them look over any of the gradual changes that you go through. If anyone asks questions, simply deny that anything looks different. 99% of the time this will work. On the occasions where it doesn’t? Prepare some cursory and defensive answers. Things like how you’ve had some gynecomastia problems that seem to have come up recently, and that you might want to go to a doctor to get it checked out.
Even after losing multiple inches of height, gaining multiple inches of hip plate growth, hitting a C-cup in terms of breast development, and all the changes to my face over 3 years, no one questioned or suspected a thing. This includes over 50 members of extended family, and I know for certain that they’re not stupid people. If people around you act like things are normal, then questions won’t start or spread when you go out with them.
Of course this isn’t to say that this is how things will go for certain, the more you prepare for any eventuality, the better your chances are. If you’re asking yourself “What’s the point if I just have to boymode anyways?” You have to remember that(in most cases) you will eventually have freedom. You’ll be a damn sight better off for having multiple years of hrt under your belt, and will have a much easier time of the social aspect of transitioning from having started when you were younger.
The point here is that there are few circumstances that can stop you if you’re determined and careful enough. I have friends who have done similar things in countries that are heavily oppressive to trans folk, and they’ve managed to pull through with different, yet similar strategies. You \*CAN\* do this. You have the power to change your life for the better.
I heavily regret not starting hrt when I was younger, and I would much rather that other young trans folk don’t have those same regrets.
(Posting this for my friend because they don’t want to get caught, They have access to my account so they can respond to questions and things!)
