💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Fascist Frederick]

Unironically Jack's best recipe:


EDIT: 32 CUPS OF FLOUR!??!?!?!

No wonder he stroked out while eating these, 32 cups of flour is definitely not KEETTOOOO. And how fitting is it that this is the last recipe in the book? His cookbook ended just like the last of his independence: with shitty blueberry muffins.

 

[Absurdist Laughter]

Man I am much disappoint. I wanted a physical cookbook to buy and put right next to my Chris Chan coin.

 

[GenociderSyo]

I liked the enchilada recipe with like 4 lbs of cheese, 3 lbs of sauce and half a pound of ground beef. And it wasn't even a soup.

 

[Fascist Frederick]

Man I am much disappoint. I wanted a physical cookbook to buy and put right next to my Chris Chan coin.

You could take the PDF and send it to a printer like lulu.com and have your own physical copy printed, likely for cheaper than Jack would have charged. Jack shouldn't have a problem with it, after all, he said himself that you can't "copy write" recipes.

 

[Mr. Manchester]

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Jack is blogging again and he just wants to be an okay guy. It's not that people want you to die Jack, it's that all this was brought on by yourself and was totally preventable with diet and exercise. All this has happened and your habits are the same. Your "angel wife" and family apparently aren't enough to inspire real change in you so how am I supposed to think you're an "okay guy"?

There it is. Every time the internet tells a fat person that they're going to die from being a glutton it becomes, "Oh woe is me! Look at all these meanies that want me to die! They are all murderous psychos and very evil and I am not and will fight back by shoveling 5000 calories into my face!"

Now I don't doubt there are a couple of you out there that want Jack to keel over but I would say the majority of people that point and laugh just want to do that.

 

[Delilah Radio Show]

Step 1:

 

[AnOminous]

Lazy Man's Stroke Recipe: Eat shit and have a stroke.

 

[Kermit Jizz]

Are my eyes as bad as Jack's or do these two images have different saturation? He not only managed to duplicate the recipe but somehow managed to copy paste the same image differently? He even fucked up pasting the instructions. What a lazy prick actually charging money for this shit.

 

[Fascist Frederick]

Lazy Man's Stroke Recipe: Eat shit and have a stroke.

 

[AnOminous]

What a lazy prick actually charging money for this shit.

I have a retard recipe that is basically take a can of Campbell's cream of mushroom soup, condensed, do not add milk, pour half of it in a casserole pan, throw in some pork chops with Negro favorite Lawry's seasoned salt, pour the rest of the soup in, cook at 350 until it's horrifying then eat that shit.

I'd rather eat that than Jack's bullshit.

 

[Kuritan Deplorable]

What a lazy prick actually charging money for this shit.

Fuck that, this is better value than every comedy show I've been to in the last year and a half. The chucklefucks doing night shows for $5 at my local cafe have nothing on this fucking clownshow.

 

[Agent Sandoval]

Step 1:
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This is giving me real mid-1900's community cookbook vibes. Since a lot of people didn't learn to cook from recipes you get instructions like:
"Add flour until dough is right consistency"
"Cook until done"
"Just bake til bubbly"
Of course in Jack's case it's several strokes induced by his awful cooking as opposed to never having had to write it all down before.

 

[TV's Adam West]

My fucking novelty cookbooks have more effort into them. The fucking Necronomnomnom has infinitely more and it's a fucking Chthulu cookbook.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

Lazy Man's Stroke Recipe: Eat shit and have a stroke.

Followed by the Lazy Stroke Man's Recipe: Eat shit and die

 

[biggacracka]

Holy shit that "cookbook" is gold. I refuse to believe it's real but I know deep in my soul that it is.
What a fucking shitshow

 

[DeadwastePrime]

im not a cook or chef, but like even i would put the fucking effort into making a cookbook if i were one. this is like the way you dont make a cookbook. like a this is how you dont play dsp level effort into the thing

 

[Kermit Jizz]

My fucking novelty cookbooks have more effort into them. The fucking Necronomnomnom has infinitely more and it's a fucking Chthulu cookbook.

I was recently gifted one of those "ONE GORRILLION RECIPES FOR YOUR RICECOOKER" type cook books. It's full of typos and random gibberish to the point that it makes me think it was written by some pajeet and then translated via google. For instance, there's several recipes I have found that reference ingredients I have never heard of and return zero google results.

That book, on average, is still more coherent than Jack's book. At least the majority of the recipes are real and actually in the book without any youtube links.

 

[Judas Connor Moon]

Goddamn, page 5 had me rolling:
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EDIT: Oh shit, page 7 and 8, he literally copied and pasted the description of his video the "recipe" came from... twice... including a link to his playlist. Motherfucker is legally blind.
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EDIT EDIT: Every page is gold:
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"Ingredients: ingredient you like. Directions: watch video". I haven't laughed this hard in a while. A sincere "Thank you" to Jack.

Writing a Youtube link into a cookbook is a genius move on Jack's part. He knows that his audience can't understand his sentences, let alone his writing so with this is in mind he gave us the gift of watching him again fucking up an easy meal. He's such a generous and giving Christian.

 

[Randall Fragg]

HERE IS THE COOKBOOK PDF!!!

I can't take any credit for this though, this was bought and shared by a benevolent soul on the PC+TLM discord.
It's so bad- so, so, fucking bad. A ton of recipes don't have actual instructions but are just a link to his youtube videos, there's stolen images, recipes repeated right after each other, the punctuation and capitalization is all over the place. This is the most stroked out shit I've ever seen and I love it.


EDIT: Adding images because aaaaaaaaaaa
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PDF below:

That table of contents gives massive The Shining vibes.
If Jack slips into a coma tomorrow, I'm fully buying into the wendigo theory. This is the wendigo transferring its essence into a bound tome, just waiting for an unwary police detective or random boomer to become the next vessel of it's unholy meatlust. The Call of Caloriethlu.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

You know something’s good when you laugh so hard at it that the person in the next room asks if you’re okay.

I think my favorite part so far is step 1: e