The Tenacious Unicorn Ranch / @TenaciousRanch / Steampunk Penny / Penellope Logue / Phillip Matthew Logue - Don't cry because it ended, laugh because it's still getting worse.

[Orange Rhymer]

Alpaca's are not native to the area and the infrastructure for monetizing them is extremely niche because the market is so small. The market for Alpaca products is pretty much just wool and calves. They aren't good for milk, or labor (you cant' ride them, or can't have them pull a cart) and they aren't good for grazing. I guess technically thye're good for manure, but they aren't efficient at it and no infrastructure exists to capitalize on it.
The Alpacas imprisoned at Alpacaschwitz have been starved, malnourished, and poorly kept for years

I know the animal lovers won't like to hear this, but the most merciful thing to do is cull the entire lot. They are not properly socialized, probably have tons of health issues.


Not from colorado but:
These sorts of laws are more about keeping honest people honest (i.e. come to an agreement with the neighbor before calling the sheriff because you can come to some arrangement that'll be cheaper than the recovery payment), or more about keeping retards who thought they'd show Big Dairy what for by having their own cow (or just as often, pet horse), and then not realizing they are not doggies, and to more or less to force you to surrender/sell the animal. The penalties probably need an update in that regard to reflect live stock pricing.

DING! DONG!
THE TRANCH IS DEAD
and
AlpacaBurgers are BACK on the MENU, BOYS!

 

[Mista House]

Their operation is small enough that they don’t have the volume to sell to manufacturers so they focus on Etsy-using crafters and their wool is much too poor to get many customers.

Again without feeling it I am only guessing but I suspect its largely guard hair they are getting which is a greasy/oily hair that feels very hard and wirey. No wool manufacturer worth their salt would pay anything for it.

 

[Coccxys]

I know the outside of the tranch has gotten the most focus, and rightly so, but I wonder what the absolute state is of the house.

Leaking pipes, destroyed floors, abominable kitchen... I hope there is a really detailed 60-photo Realtor.com spread showing all the damage.

Once the exciting happening die down (and the front page people leave again) we can get back to autistically analysing every screw, pipe or wire in the background of every kevpost and discuss why they should have used a different size, material or technique in those circumstances. The true joy of this thread.

 

[AssignedEva]

I can't wait for Penis to turn his parent's house and land into a wasteland, because we all know that they learned nothing.

I was thinking about how funny Penny's spergouts would be if his parents kept loudly and vociferously objecting to his shitty farming destroying their land and telling him "no". But then I got sad.

Because if Penny's parents were capable of doing that, they wouldn't have said "Sure, Penny, you can move to our farm with Jen the shiteater, Kevin the Hutt and his 70 crates of toys and potentially Fedposter J too. Just because you killed a bunch of farm animals through neglect and destroyed a farmstead and now are being kicked out because your former friend who you drove off now wants his land back, that doesn't mean you're not welcome here to take over our property and do as you see fit!".

They're old, and from what I remember of photos fairly frail. Even if they wanted to object, Penny could just use his big man girl voice and start yelling and smashing shit and waving his guns around in one of his rage fits. Are The Tranch going to add "elder abuse" to their list of crimes?

Part of me still has my fingers crossed for the slim-but-not-zero chance Penny goes to the farm first to "scope it out", then does to his "kittens" what he did to his actual children - and completely abandon them. Would be interested to see what Kevin did in the face of Landlord Bonnie bearing down on him alone with nobody to sponge off (at this point Jarrod would presumably have embraced the "innawoods" lifestyle and migrated to forage in the mountains, and Jen would have slithered into the nearest sewer to hunt for sustenance).

 

[Anonymus Fluhre]

Wool, most likely.

I meant type of wool.

 

[Fornicario]

I know the outside of the tranch has gotten the most focus, and rightly so, but I wonder what the absolute state is of the house.

Leaking pipes, destroyed floors, abominable kitchen... I hope there is a really detailed 60-photo Realtor.com spread showing all the damage.

They will be Exhibits A through Fucked in the case that's filed against Boner and mis mother.

 

[Constellationzero]

I know the outside of the tranch has gotten the most focus, and rightly so, but I wonder what the absolute state is of the house.

Leaking pipes, destroyed floors, abominable kitchen... I hope there is a really detailed 60-photo Realtor.com spread showing all the damage.

Superfund site.

Many such cases. Look at Chantal Sarault. Sad.

 

[White Devil]

Again without feeling it I am only guessing but I suspect its largely guard hair they are getting which is a greasy/oily hair that feels very hard and wirey. No wool manufacturer worth their salt would pay anything for it.

Someone way earlier in this thread got some of their thread or yarn or whatnot and said it was extremely overpriced for such low quality, so that probably had a lot to do on why they never made money... Besides being an alpaca mass grave ranch.

 

[Battlecruiser3000ad]

I feel like we need a comprehensive, Nuremburg trial style list of the crimes of each individual Tranch member against all of Alpacakind, so that when the Kiwifarms militia overruns their mother's houses we can begin trials immediately by an interboard tribunal.

 

[Carl Smallwang]

(at this point Jarrod would presumably have embraced the "innawoods" lifestyle and migrated to forage in the mountains, and Jen would have slithered into the nearest sewer to hunt for sustenance).

Colorado's Bureau of Land Management doesn't take too kindly to squatters and poachers.

 

[Meiwaku]

I can't wait for Penis to turn his parent's house and land into a wasteland, because we all know that they learned nothing.

I'm personally ready for Tranch 3

 

[Top Skink]

I could have got more out.
I could have got more.
If I just... I could've got more.
Kevin there are eleven-hundred alpacas who are alive because of you, look at them.

If I made more money- I... threw away so much money. You have no idea.
If I just...
I didn't do enough.
You did so much.

This dilator, Null would've bought this dilator, why did I keep the dilator?
Ten alpacas, right there. Ten people. Ten more pacas. This coin. Two pacas. This is silver- two more pacas. It would've given me two pacas, or at least one. It would've given me one. One more.
One more paca. A paca, Wooly. For this...

I- I could've got one more alpaca.. And I didn't.

 

[neverendingmidi]

I know the outside of the tranch has gotten the most focus, and rightly so, but I wonder what the absolute state is of the house.

Leaking pipes, destroyed floors, abominable kitchen... I hope there is a really detailed 60-photo Realtor.com spread showing all the damage.

Keep checking Zillow.

 

[AssignedEva]

Someone way earlier in this thread got some of their thread or yarn or whatnot and said it was extremely overpriced for such low quality, so that probably had a lot to do on why they never made money... Besides being an alpaca mass grave ranch.

When that person got the yarn it was actually still pretty early days, I think, so the alpaca still had some healthy growth. But not only was it terrible, but the Tranch hadn't bothered to properly wash the fleece before sending it to the mill so there was a bunch of hay and dirt in it, and they'd gone for super bulky yarn (probably cheaper to get made) which wasn't useful for most craft projects. Also apparently most alpaca wool is blended with sheep/lambs wool to make it more versatile (which might be why they later got those poor sheep) which they didn't do.

The last time they'd sheared the alpaca was - I think - summer 2021, because it was over a year ago they dumped all their roving onto the Indian reservation. Roving is processed wool that hasn't been spun yet and is even less useful. They either cheaped out on or couldn't afford to get it fully processed, although there was a theory the mill just refused to process it further.

 

[Oxyjen]

Bonnie still failing to win the PR war. This critique appears to be from a Muslim lady.
Shows you that random leftoids on Twitter are far more likely to be the ones calling the cops on the Tranch every 5 minutes than the wizened observers of kiwi farms.

 

[White Devil]

I could have got more out.
I could have got more.
If I just... I could've got more.
Kevin there are eleven-hundred alpacas who are alive because of you, look at them.

If I made more money- I... threw away so much money. You have no idea.
If I just...
I didn't do enough.
You did so much.

This dilator, Null would've bought this dilator, why did I keep the dilator?
Ten alpacas, right there. Ten people. Ten more pacas. This coin. Two pacas. This is silver- two more pacas. It would've given me two pacas, or at least one. It would've given me one. One more.
One more paca. A paca, Wooly. For this...

I- I could've got one more alpaca.. And I didn't.
Wyświetl załącznik 4350676

I hate that movie so fucking much.

 

[Dickens Cider]

Shit I’ll give them a dollar for the place. Sadly it’s probably not paid for and never will be. But yea- a dollar. With the wasteland that the lands become, the biohazard cesspit mass graves outside and the troon dilation biohazard inside, plus everything being coated in bacon and taco grease, I think I’m making a fair market offer. If they accept I’ll make it Josh’s LLC and do the cleanup myself. I’m sure to have plenty of help from the neighbors since I’m sure they will be more than happy the circus left town, and I’m not a total failure for work ethic. I think that would be a fitting epilogue to this whole sorry mess- me and a couple buddies with a backhoe and some sweat make it into the new home of 1776. And Earl can do border security for me in case they come back

 

[Vexillology]

Few seem to be on their side now, but I wonder how long until there is a universal consensus that all of their problems were the result of right-wing harassment, and that there was literally nothing they could do. News articles citing it as the main factor, retelling their retarded "aiming scope rifles at the mailman and insisting they were a MAGA terrorist" stories as fact, etc.

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

I meant type of wool.

No shit, seriously? Did you honestly miss the joke or are you being deliberately obtuse like I am?

 

[FinnSven]

Few seem to be on their side now, but I wonder how long until there is a universal consensus that all of their problems were the result of right-wing harassment, and that there was literally nothing they could do. News articles citing it as the main factor, retelling their retarded "aiming scope rifles at the mailman and insisting they were a MAGA terrorist" stories as fact, etc.

I hope not.